This caregiver is still in contact with my father lies to him manipulates him but he don't see it my sister and I do. This woman has made accusations accusing myself and my sister of foul things. My father thinks he owes her $250,000 I don't see how the house is filthy dirty when I got here 2 years ago, she's had both of her sons living here. I contacted adult protective service and they said that I can't stop my father from making bad choices. The woman has not lived here for 2 years yet her cars are still parked in my dad's driveway and she will not move them. I need some real advice and help on what to do

I saw your reply to Alva. You are still dealing with this woman? If Dad is on traditional Medicare (no Medicare Advantage) then u do not need a referral from his Dr. for a Neurologist. Once you get a diagnosis of a Dementia, then you get a restraining order against her showing the infomation you have.

I so hope you have POAs in place. If not see if Dad will go with you before you get a diagnosis. Tell him if he doesn't assign you, the State will eventually be taking over his care and money. Once he is diagnosed as having a Dementia he can not assign u or sign contracts.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Do you have durable power of attorney both medical and financial for your father? If not, that is the first step. Make an appointment for him with an elder law attorney and get his important paperwork - will, advance directives, DPOAs - in order pronto.

Going forward, the more that you and your sister can together discuss important things with your father, the better. You and your sister must be a united front for your father.
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Reply to NYDaughterInLaw

The cars are the least of the problems. First thing I would do is make sure you help him change all his passwords and online portal logins (tell him a therapeutic fib, that those places require it every month). Try offering to keep his checkbooks for "safekeeping" so that he doesn't continue to write her checks that she didn't earn.

Then cut off her phone access to him: get him a new number, block her number. Tell him a fib as to why he needs a new number. Erase her contact completely and any history of their calls to each other.

Make sure none of her mail is going to his house.

Help your Dad secure all his sensitive info into a fireproof filing cabinet (and make sure you keep one of the keys). Change the locks to his doors and garage code.

Check if he has a social media presence (FB, etc). See what he's posting there if possible.

Consider consulting with an elder law attorney who is experienced with financial abuse. Learn what you need to do to gather evidence against this woman and her sons. You may never need to pull this trigger but if she knows you're thinking of pursuing and tracking her crimes, she may stop on her own.

If he doesn't have a PoA, and he doesn't have a diagnosis of cognitive impairment, then you don't have much power without his cooperation. He could still create one, since someone with mild cognitive issues is often still deemed to have capacity by attorneys (since they interview the elder privately when they come in for this type of appointment).

The other option is to download the PoA paperwork online from or This is easier and cheaper and if his affairs arent' too complicated, is better than nothing for his sake. Then he'd just need to get it finalized at a notary with 2 non-family witnesses. Make sure it is a durable PoA, rather than springing, if at all possible.
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Reply to Geaton777

If those cars do not have a current registration and are not insured, the cops can have them towed away. Unregistered cars are illegal. Two years they can be considered abandoned. Dad could be fined for having them on his property.

Him owing her 250k...prove it. Produce invoices with clock in and clock out times. Original time sheets show Dads signature showing he OKd the hours. Originals can be tampered with and copies will not show it. Then, go back in his checkbook and write down every check he gave her. If he paid her under the table, oh well, she just frauded the IRS if she paid no taxes on it. If she can prove her time, he doesn't owe her. Without physical proof, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. Hope u took pictures of the house when u moved in.

With your Dads health a age I would get him a good physical. Strokes damage the brain. There could be Dementia setting in. A Neurologist would be a good person to take him to but let his PCP run some tests and labs first. If it found he has Dementia, then he is not competent to make decision. Someone needs to be POA if not already. If not, get it done now before a diagnosis. If Dad bulks, tell if no POA the State will take over if he ever needs help. Its a tool to protect him.
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Reply to JoAnn29

??? Your father is allowed to make his own decisions, as APS told you, if he is of sound mind. You can try to get him a new phone with a new phone number, I suppose, which would prevent this former CG from contacting him. Then call a towing company & have those cars removed. BUT, remember that this is dad's house so I feel that you'd need HIS permission to have those cars removed before you do it. I think if it were me, I'd also call this woman and let her know she has 48 hours to move the cars or else they WILL BE TOWED off to the junkyard, period.

What you don't want to do is alienate and anger your father in the process of trying to help him. If he doesn't want your help, and you rhino in regardless, he's likely to get super irritated with you and then what? A nice calm discussion with the man is more in order, in my opinion. See what's driving him to think he owes this woman a quarter million dollars and all the rest of it. He may need a cognitive evaluation if he insists on such a thing!

Best of luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
Isthisrealyreal Nov 8, 2022
You can also check about getting an abandoned car title and sell them.

But, that's just how I roll with abusers.
You don't say if your father has any dementia symptoms. If not, then I guess he can make his own bad choices, but why is he not believing his own daughters? Have the cars towed. Find out from your city what is legal to do about that and get them out of there. So the caregiver and her sons are gone now and you are the caregiver? She's contacting him about money or other things too?
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Reply to ArtistDaughter
Normajean62 Mar 4, 2023
Hello yes she calls all hours often night . She comes once or twice a month to pick up $500 each time. I've been going through his bank statements and I've seen how much money he's giving her over the years she was getting over $1,000 every 5 days what other caregivers were working here too. I just took my father to his doctor this last week I'm hoping that he will come to conclusion that my father needs to see in neurologist. I thought it was very stubborn and bullheaded I believe he's right about everything besides being narcissistic and self-absorbed he's a hard man to deal with and it happened to deal with this woman on top of it has caused me much stress but I pray a lot and I try to stay calm I found me a lawyer that's going to help me thank you so much for your opinion and your suggestions God bless
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