I'm caregiver for mum 91 for over 10 years now & dad recently passed. Explosion. Sibling attacking, slandering abused me. Had legal & med advice. HELP, siblings turning up unexpectedly taking mum away from scheduled planned apts etc... leaving me & others in disbelief of this new disruptive & provoking behaviour.
I'm learning to keep away if I see their cars at mum's place.
My serious concern is none of my siblings have years of experience, knowledge, training, medical contacts. I have to deal promptly with mum's medical needs & emergencies.
I'm scared for mum.
Please advise me, I can't talk to any of them.
They shut me down & I try to avoid confrontation in front of mum. Mum knows frictions but mum also excited & joyful her children she hardly sees are now coming to be with her.
Understandably she loves so much, especially those who have not been around.
please advise
hopefull
So sorry this has happened. I would just keep my distance. Block calls and emails. See Mom when no one is around. Don't bring up what is going on. If Mom asks why she hasn't been seeing you I may then tell her what is going on.
obvious about money!!
its sad, sibling has turned her children & other siblings against me. All chats & banter & communications with all family has stopped.
i do have my 35yr daughter support & love. My sister has even mentioned in her attacks that Im a bad person hurting my parents also from a failed marriage 35 years ago & being a single mother. Oh Yes!! She is vicious. Ive never remarried or had any relationship since because of this hate towards me.
My beautiful daughters knows well what Ive been doing having helped me emotionally & with many back breaking tasks..... lifting parents, pushing & lifting wheelchairs, even help me to walk after injuries I sustained from Carer role. I do have good friends who hear my breaking heart & love me
YES I will try push past this hostility, attend mum when they are not around & pray.
i dont want to take legal action but am prepared to not be left destitute.
Thank u JoAnn 4 hearing me.
no mum no POA..... & cant drag her to make one.... very old fashioned mum & just expects all siblings to be lovy dovy....
If POA with another sibling to my detriment legal advice said easy to contest.
thought about getting away on respite for myself a month ir so, but that may be used against me & leaving my inheritance open to wolves.
Suck it up buttercup .... Ive got that down to a fine art.....
im not naive & know well its been bubbling under surface particularly with older sister since childhood.
But Ive been head down & arse up fir over 10 years caring for both aging parents, running ragged to Doctors, hospitals,medicines, equipment, govt requirements,
etc etc etc.etc etc etc
many times Ive walked in parents home, dad fallen on floor to right & mum on floor to left.mum heavy & dad heavier& im only 5ft.
mum dialysis 7yrs & dad wheelchair cant walk or stand.
many nightmare emergencies, its a miracle Im still standing...... (& straight after funeral siblings talking about dads will.
my brother first spoke txtd all family to get iff his back... he knows nothing.... I came to his defence & dared to say Stop this greedy nonsense, mum is priority mourn in peace.
well... thats what boss sibling waiting for.... Id poked the bear.... & the proverbial Shit hit the Fan.
she attacked me in 4 or 5 txts, from neglecting my parents to I was always a bad person from childhood.
My Faith is very strong & God has come thru fir me amazingly many times especially doing carer for parents. So if everyone can seek Him for me, then thats the Miracle in itself.
Bottom line is its all about inheritance & money.
maybe theyre scared im going to get more... Now that would be a Miracle
i just want mum care not to be disrupted & me forced to continue in most uncomfortable & messy way.
Ive worked hard for 10 years, mum doing well 91 still alive & kicking & dad 90 had good run. & years of cpr, ambul, drs hosp cleaning poos etc etc etc..... I loooooved them,
I love my mum & want her around as long as possible... looks like shes my only friend😘😢😢
Accusations of abusing my parents, not cooking meals, not being with them 24/7.
Abusing me & my brother for being selfish & not caring for our parents. Also as we were most trouble as children & now continue as adults grieving our parents.
the abuse is relentless.
i dont answer txt’s & in some respects feel relieved in accepting family dont like me.
im sick & tired for trying for 65 years to get love from stone.... it is a new peace praise God
I’m sorry for the loss of your father. I lost my dad too. Caregiving fell in my lap.
Long story, I burned out. I asked mom to leave. She is now with my brother and sister in law. I went no contact in order to protect myself and survive.
You’ll figure this out. This forum is a great resource but there are various opinions which is fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I found one on one counseling helped me tremendously in helping me to focus and make important decisions.
You sound like you don’t expect any miracles concerning your siblings. So, I agree that there isn’t any need to respond to their foolishness. You are absolutely correct. It is liberating to remove toxic relationships from our lives.
I wish you all the best.
I'm very sorry to read that you lost your Dad. Do you think this sad event is what led to the bust-up with your sibling? Or siblings, actually, if none of the others will communicate with you either.
What are your mother's care needs? What sort of care were you providing for your parents?
If you mean that the one sibling accused you of abuse: what was the accusation, and what was done about it?
In any case, keep in mind that losing your father makes this a stressful and emotional time for everybody; it will get better over time, as long as you can get this current situation damped down. How long ago did it happen?
What exactly brought all of this on? Does your mom have a medical POA?
Can you share a bit more information please?