What can I do to protect myself from the lies dementia patients tell?
I am to the point that I no longer want to work with the elderly because of the lying and the verbal abuse. One person in particular would tell lies and would get everyone upset. I would come to her house for my shift, and she would tell the neighbors lies that I was stealing or abusing her. She knew everyone's phone number without having to look at a phone book. Is this dementia or what? One morning I arrived at her house and she was fully dressed. She said that she fell the evening before at six o'clock on the dot after I left. I told her I was there until 6:04 pm. Falls have to be reported. I told her that I needed to call to report the fall to the agency, and then she did go off. I went outside to make the phone call to make the report, and the person from the agency wasn't much help. The old woman locked me outside and was watching me from her window with a smirk on her face. I went home. I told the person at the agency to clock me out. It was 98 degrees outside. Of course, according to the agency I was at fault because I made an uneccessary phone call to report a fall even though I wasn't there to witness it. I was told since it didn't happen on my shift, it wasn't my problem. I was like, what kind of agency is this?
I couldn't provide adequate care because of all of the constant interference from neighbors dropping in unexpectantly during the day. Breakfast would be placed on hold, and one neighbor even went as far as telling me that I didn't need a schedule. The greatest frustration for me was that I couldn't get a routine of care established to get her personal care needs and diet taken care of.
The sundowning was even more fun. We could be laughing and talking one minute and it was like a switch would go off, and I became a worthless thief, and she was going to call the police. One evening, I was in the basement waiting on her clothes to finish drying so I could fold them. The truth is, this woman had been horrible to me all day saying mean things. A person can only take so much. So doing laundry was a respite from the constant badgering of do this or do that, or you can't do anything right. The dryer wouldn't work properly so I had to stay and run it a third time due to a broken heating element. It still worked, but it just took longer to dry the clothes. It was about an hour before my shift was to end. The lady started turning the lights off in the basement. I couldn't see, so I would turn them back on. Finally, I left the clothes and went upstairs where she refused to let me get by. She had blocked the stairwell with her walker. She told me if I touched her, she was going to report elder abuse. I asked her to let me get by because I needed to clock out. She told me to go out her basement door. By that time my patience was wearing thin. My purse and bag were upstairs. I told her that I couldn't leave through the basement door because she had a code on the garage door, and by her turning out the lights, I couldn't see how to get out of there anyway. Finally, she moved. I clocked out and then she wanted to search through my purse. I told her a firm no. What the heck would I need with a bunch of trash bags and adult briefs? Then she proceeded to tell me that I was the worst help she had. Finally, I said; have a good life. I never went back. I was with this woman for about six weeks and I couldn't take the bullying and verbal insults any longer dementia or not.
It took me a good five months before my blood pressure was down to a safe level. It was stroke range from the constant bullying and nitpicking. It is the truth that caretakers will sometimes die before the actual elderly person and this person wasn't even a relative of mine.
I had clients in the past that did not display this entitled behavior. Is this a new breed of elderly? LOL
All I know is that I haven't been able to bring myself to go back into this type of work. For about a month after quitting this case, I was afraid to leave my home.
8 Answers
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Or, perhaps, you could work for Visiting Angels and visit Independent living individuals who only need minor care, not dementia patients.
https://www.visitingangels.com/employment. I even suggested visiting hospitals where family live too far away and they could have you be their eyes and ears (including FaceTime calls, reading, playing games, etc.).
Thanks again.
The elder's name was Gene and he was a foul tempered man who'd come after me with his walker raised up over his head, threatening to beat me with it. Yelling & screaming at me like a maniac; no matter what I did for him wasn't 'quite right' etc. etc. By the time I called the agency to quit, the supervisor laughed (truly) and said 'congratulations, you lasted the longest out of everyone we've sent to care for Gene.' Yeah, that really sat well with me, let me tell you. I had felt so bad & guilty about quitting, and here they were at the agency, laughing that I'd lasted as long as I had!
And I was only in my mid 40s at the time.
Quit the job and don't look back. No job is worth the pittance you're paid (especially by an 'agency') to be treated in such a foul manner. I'm not sure WHO is cut out for such a job, and even those of us who are thrown into the job of caring for a loved one with such a foul temperament reach the point of placing them in managed care after a while. And those who don't often wind up SO burned out or with SUCH compassion fatigue, that they find it hard to recover after the loved one passes.
I hope that at 65 years old you're ready to retire (or getting close) and can find a more pleasant person to care for. After I quit caring for Gene, I went on to care for MUCH nicer clients and eventually quit the profession entirely and got into doing office work, which was its own punishment, but nothing on the level of being abused by Gene!
Best of luck to you.
I worked in an office. Except for the office politics, the job was a piece of cake.
Since you have done this work before, this maybe an isolated thing. You had the right to say I will not care for this client. IMO this woman should not be living alone. She should be in LTC. And her washing machine being in the basement is a safety hazard. The Agency should call her family and tell them time for placement.
The fall, I agree not on your watch u don't need to report it.
Hopefully Burnt will respond. She has 25 yrs of experience in this type of work.
The most important thing that must be done when caring for someone with any of the dementias is to educate yourself about the disease, so when things come up and they will, you are not thrown off guard and you can respond more appropriately, and understand that it's the disease and not the person. Most folks with dementia don't do things on purpose to make our lives miserable, but because their brain is broken(and will never get better)and they often can't help themselves. They deserve someone with compassion and understanding looking after them, and if that's not you, then it's time to get into a different line of work.
I've taken care of sick parents, a severely disabled sister a husband who died from cancer and I did home care many years ago. I had dementia patients in the past but nothing that couldn't be handled.
You are probably right! I'm okay with working with the elderly, but not okay with being disrespected, verbally or physically abused by them along with being treated like a slave. When she started her shenanigans on the step with me, I kept a safe distance.
If every caregiver left the business, there wouldn't be anyone left to care for these people. We go through training, but I have to admit, this is the first time ever I had someone with this type of temperament. Some of it was dementia, but 85% of it was her personality. I found out later that I wasn't the only aide this happened to. She chased away other aides and had them in tears. She pushed one of her aides and lied to the agency that the aide pushed her. The agency called me to go back to her and I was like no! Most agencies will give you limited to no information, so you are thrown into a situation unaware of what to expect. It is even more trickier when you have someone calling neighbors and the agency making false reports on you that can cost you your certification.
I have been on this forum for awhile, but I haven't read about anyone being locked out of the house in 98 degree weather or someone telling them to go home and drive back when they return in a couple of hours. We are given a set of hours to work. However, this lady decided to send me home when she was going to the bank and out to a restaurant during the time she was to receive care, and told me to come back later.
I felt like a fricken yo yo working for her. The agency was okay with this type of behavior. It was a lot of aggravation. Sometimes she would self medicate and would be asleep during my arrival time. I would have to wait at least forty five minutes in the car until someone with a key would come and let me in. I couldn't get anyone on the phone at the agency some mornings.
I'm sixty-five years old! I'm tired of being manipulated by people!
My mother was an alcoholic who was famous for telling lies on me. My other siblings believed them. When she took ill, I was her caregiver. I made sure the bills were paid, food was bought and everything was done. I didn't get a dime either. I got disrespected and told to do more while everyone else went on with their lives. My dad left home and went to live with his girlfriend, whom he later married and moved her into the family home. So, yes; I know about how we are drafted into this business of caregiving and the feelings that come with it.
I think what happened to me is that I bought into fear, obligation and guilt. I think this is what is running the show in my life now since this situation with the elderly lady was a trigger.
My sister is in a nursing home. She signed herself in there, but of course, someway it became my fault because she wanted me to sign a POA. I blocked her number because she said that she was going to keep calling. Now that I've taken her off block again, she calls lying that she is now calling the police because she and another resident are being drugged by the nurses. I got a call last night around ten o'clock with a similar message from her. Time to put the block back on again.