About three weeks ago, my elderly mother was admitted it to an assisted living facility. Her dementia had gotten so bad, and that she was beginning to become a danger to herself, and other members of the family. From the time she entered the facility, she has been begging to be let out. I called her this morning, and she kept asking me who put her in there, and when she could go home. Each time I call her, she sounds more and more desperate. She tells me that there are crazy people living in there. I can actually hear people screaming and making noise in the background, when I am on the phone with her. It breaks my heart, but there is little I can do about it. My sister got her the most affordable place that she could, Because we could not afford much more than that. I really want to help my mother, but it is beyond my control to do anything, because of my personal financial situation, as well as that of my siblings. My mother where is divorced when she first started developing dementia, and my father is no longer around. He died about a year and a half ago. It tears me up inside to see her suffering like this, but I really don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Over the past 10 years, hundreds of Assisted Living/Memory Care facilities have been built. All over the country. They are big profit makers for their owners. They have beautiful common areas and pretty dining rooms. The resident rooms are small but decent. They have activities.
But, there is no memory "care." All that means is that if someone is acting out in a bad way, a staff member will try to talk them down, or if someone is a perpetual screamer, that person will not be removed from the facility --- so there will be screamers....they can try to isolate them, but there will be screamers. Restraints are illegal, at least in Florida, not just in AL, but also NH. Not even any beds that have protective "arms" or an alarm if someone tried get out of the bed. In most of these new AL places, there is no call button for the resident/patient to ring. With AL, nobody comes to check on you as a matter of protocol after about 7 or 8 pm. You could die in your bed at 10 pm and nobody would know until maybe 7 or 8 am the next morning. And, for entertainment? In most of these new places, there is no TV in the room. You can bring a small one, and hook it up yourself, and can get some channels via rabbit ears or the $99 satellite thing you can buy at Best Buy. Also, no phone in the room. That's always a family personal choice, in most places, but a lot of these new places? Just no phone. And, also, cell phone service is very bad.
My opinion? It is a big scam, these Assisted Living/Memory Care places. They have an in-house doctor, but my experience was that she was incredibly overworked and not all that competent. They are not in the business of taking care of people who have anything wrong with them other than not being able to perform on their own at least 3-4 activities of daily living. That's how you get in there. Based on the ADLs.
If you have a LO who has medical issues, that need to be treated daily, even with just medication, and, in addition, is having memory loss and behavioral issues.......you gotta find a way to get your loved one into a reputable nursing home. Does not mean that there will not people screaming. That's normal, with end stages of dementia. But, does mean that you can get medical attention, even if not always at the drop of a button, and meds will be administered in time (hopefully) and you can always, 24/7.....if it's a reputable place.....be able to talk with the medical staff, even I its just the overnight/3rd shift nurse supervisor.
Three weeks is not a long time for adjustment. We told Mom it was her new apartment. She was going to make new friends. Mom may never understand why she is there. With Short term memory gone, she won't remember what you told her 5 min later.
I was lucky, Mom adjusted pretty well to the AL and later LTC.