What do I do now?

You’re only 36. Half your life’s book is still waiting to be written. Fill those pages with whatever brings you joy.

Tell your siblings that you will start probate when you're good and ready, which will be after January 1st.

Hang up and don't take any more calls until next year.

They are despicable.

To think your siblings are so eager to 'help' you only now that there is $$$$ on the table, and did bupkis to help you while their parents were alive, is beyond disgusting. I agree with Barb: tell them, in no uncertain terms, that you'll deal with the financials after the first of the year, and you're not taking ANY CALLS until then. And please don't call me, I'll call you.

My deepest condolences on all of your losses, including your siblings.

You could always respond to them with a "I'm shocked you would ask such a question at this time. I'M in mourning for our mother -- why aren't you?"

Sometimes putting it right back on someone opens their eyes to how insensitive and truly awful they sound.

As you work your way through this you should also seek out the advice of a special needs lawyer for your child. You need to be careful about him inheriting any assets from your mother. It could put him in jeopardy from being able to access any government benefits that he may need now or in the future. I have an autistic brother and my father specifically didn’t leave him anything in his trust because it would have made him ineligible for all the services he receives now. Even a special needs trust would have made him ineligible for Medicaid and the funding that pays for him to live in his group home. My brother and I will inherit everything and we will make sure our autistic brother has what he needs and that funds are set aside for the future for his care should he need them, but those funds will not be in his name.

Probate can't even be started until the person has been gone, in my state, 9 or 10 days. When opened, it can't be closed for a certain number of months, my state 8. This gives time for all bills and debts to come in. They must be paid. The house, depends on what the Will says. I so hope if your parents wanted u and ur son taken care of they made arrangements in the Will. If the Will says the house needs to be sold and the proceeds split, that can take a while and probate can't be closed till then. Lots go into probate.

If there is no Will, you can become Administrator. You do the duties of an Executor but...the State determines who inherits.

As said, do not answer their calls.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm assuming you are named personal representative in their will or trustee if property was held in trust? Or was there literally nothing in writing?

FIRST, take the time you need and DESERVE to mourn. Then get a lawyer who can help you through all the pieces. If there was no will they can help you navigate intestate laws in your state. And represent your interest.

It's a lot. Don't be pressured or rushed. There are certain steps that need to be taken and this will all take time. You spent 12 years of your life caregiving. Take all the time you need, and in my opinion I would not even begin to try to engage an attorney until at least after the new year.

I have two quotes:

Haste makes waste.
Here is how the Germans say it, "Do it right or don't do it at all.'

Take your time with proper documents and do not rush. No family can pressure you into the wrong moves that increase the processing time and frustration. Furthermore, you need some privacy and time for yourself to grieve. Seek counseling if it gets too challenging.

"Nothing was set up in writing" -- if this means she has no will, that might give you some valuable ammunition here. I'm not a lawyer, and the rules are undoubtedly different from state to state, but if I'm not mistaken, if someone dies intestate (without a will), "the process" simply cannot start the moment they die. No amount of fussing on your siblings part will change that. It will have to wait for the courts to get around to it, and after all the chaos of two years of covid-19 related delays, the courts are all backed up everywhere. It could be six months. It could be years. Just look at the case of Prince, a very famous and wealthy man with a large extended family, many of whom were being financially supported by him -- he was intestate when he died unexpectedly, and it was a long time before the process could even start.

But if she didn't die intestate, and you're the executor, the big thing to remember here is that your siblings aren't looking for someone to help you. They're looking for someone to help them. If all they REALLY want is to be bought out of their shares, they can wait. As long as her assets are basically frozen (apart from ensuring necessary bills are being paid), there is no urgency. You can tell them you've seen to the immediate expenses, and everything else is frozen; thank them for their concern and tell them you'll keep them posted when it's time to move forward with other aspects of distributing the estate.

They are rushing you. If they will be beneficiary to any of the 'leftover' estate and you are in charge of distribution, let them know you will get the ball rolling after the first of the new year. That will allow you to finish this year's taxes or other payments to complete expenses from parent's life.

To give them their share of the home, you'll need appraisal of property and possibly to arrange financing of you're going to buy them out.

If parents had a will, have you completed dad's probate yet? If no wills, you'll need to get atty to help open the probate.

Dont discuss house repairs done while they were alive with them. Tell them not on the table. Keep good records to account for all monies and properties that will be distributed.