Follow
Share

Ive tried deleting her fb acct but she just has others start another. She apologizes but then does it again & again. She lives with me bc no oyher family will take her. I have no help from other family members or no way of just taking a break. Im afraid shes gonna get myself or someone else in real trouble one day. Should i just take her phone ?

If you are talking about that your State has filial laws, they are antiquated and most States have removed them from the books.

Filial does not mean that you physically care for Mom or have to bring her into your home and quit your job. You just make sure she has a roof over her head, food and clothing. Basic needs. If that means Longterm care and Medicaid paying for it, so be it.

A PCP/GP knows a little about everything and a lot about nothing. Denentia/ALZ is not their specialty. You need to get a formal diagnoses with a Neurologist who will run the appropriate tests. If your POA is not immediate, you will probably need this diagnoses to invoke your POA. Doctor should also say she is 24/7 care. With that and diagnosis you can have her placed.

Then get back to work. A 49 year old needs those earnings for SS. Your within the 35 yr look back. This means if you don't work within those 35 years your SS will be less. If you don't work 10 of those years, your SS will be based on 25 yrs. Mom will worsen if she has a Dementia. Do you want to care for her another 10 yrs when she needes to be bathed and toileted and very unpredictable?
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Alisha, just reading your response, parents do not have children to then receive care in their old age. It’s a false equivalency, in other words, one has nothing to do with another. Providing care for a parent should come from a desire to help, and not some sense of obligation because the parent raised you. And most importantly, it has to be a relationship that works for both sides. In your situation your mother is tormenting you and you’re receiving only stress. Staying in it will only harm you. States with so called “familial responsibility” laws rarely, if ever, do anything to enforce them. If you choose to stop this, rest assured no one is coming after you. Seems you may want to keep going as is your choice. I hope at the least you’ll take all internet access from your mother and enact a firm “my home, my rules for living here” policy. I wish you peace
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

In reply to the OP's reply below:

The state cannot force you to have mom live with you and cannot force you to take care of her.

"Shes my Mom & done her best to give my sis & i a decent life & so i feel like its now my turn to take care of her..." That was her job to give you a decent life and take care of you and your sister. Once you both left home her new job was making sure she took care of herself and saved for her own retirement. She did not do that as she was banking on you doing that for her. There is a reason NO ONE else wants to help your mother. I am guessing because she is not a nice person or she is a difficult person or has some type of personality disorder that makes people dislike her. As for the people who keep getting her back on Facebook you need to tell them to STOP and confront them about it.

There is medicaid and section 8 housing and many options other than your having to feed and house your mother. She is disrespecting you with her lies. Either take her phone away or every single time she posts on Facebook you post the truth and shame her into stopping what she is doing. Personally I would just take the phone. Are you paying for the phone? If you are then even better because you can cut that off right then and there.

See the difference between a parent taking care of a child is that the parent has ALL the power in that relationship. If you were on Facebook as a child posting things you should not be posting your mother could just take away your phone and ground you. But you can't do that with your parent so it is NOT the same thing because clearly you have no power over another adult. So mom is going to continue this BS of throwing you under the bus with her lies and apart from taking her phone (which could be construed as stealing) you have no power in this relationship.

When you finally get tired of her games or she causes you a lot of problems - maybe even a visit and investigation from APS then maybe you will feel differently about turning mom over as a ward of the state to stop this nonsense from her.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to sp196902
Report

Please realize you don’t HAVE to do any of this. You didn’t have to quit your job and you don’t have to have anyone live with you who’s hateful to you, dementia or not. Consider heavily what the cost is to your health and future. You’re giving up income that would help provide for your own senior years, your mental and emotional health are certainly taking a toll, as I’d bet are your relationships with others in your family. The costs are too high, or they certainly would be for me, to host her in my home. Facebook lies are the least of it. You deserve peace and I hope you’ll act to get it
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report
Anxietynacy Jul 11, 2024
Daughter you are 100 percent Right!!
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
Unfriend all her friends then close her facebook account, throw the phone away and get her a landline. Not fair to you at all.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Bubba12345
Report

AL, this could be rather dangerous, you never know what she could say. She could say you have illegal guns and someone could send a raid to your house.

The possibilities are endless .

I know as you say she will have a fit and probably tell someone something else. But I'm not seeing that you have a choice in the matter.

I remember one time my son was being a ten year old. 😆 I grabbed his wrist and he had an old cut, and I accidentally repunchured it. He started saying he was going to call the cops on me. So I handed him the phone and told him to. He never did , and he never said it again.

I'm thinking let your mom tell her stories to others, but not on social media. Let her friends talk bad about you, or call APS on you. If she is well taken care of then what's it matter, it might show her , your not messing around.

Best of luck
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Anxietynacy
Report
Alisha123 Jul 11, 2024
Aps tried to get imvolved bc of some of the stories she tells but 1 trip to their office & 1 trip to my home nipped the allegations in the bud. She jjst doesnt understand that once you say something out loud or post on SM theres no going back.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
“I can tell by these posts (quote or present paper copies) that you are very unhappy with us. You will have to find other living arrangements by the end of next month.”
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Anabanana
Report

When she is asleep, take her device and close her account!
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to OldArkie
Report

How old is your Mom? How old are you?

It would be helpful to know if you're her PoA and if she has dementia. Or, does she have a history of mental illness? Either way, you don't need to tolerate any of it. Maybe time to get her in to see her doctor.

If you take her phone will she get her "other" people to buy her a new one? Who are the other people setting up a FB account for her? Maybe delete their contacts and block their numbers in her phone. Who is paying for her data package? If it's you, then you pull the plug. If you're paying for her phone, then pull that plug, too. You don't need to be defamed by anyone -- especially someone for whom you are making a sacrifice.

You can discontinue her data and just load her phones with games to play. No more social media.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Geaton777
Report
Alisha123 Jul 11, 2024
Yes i am her POA & her rep for her finances. 1 doc says she has dementia 1 says she doesnt. I can def tell a difference in her mind frame. She is 74 yrs old & i am 49. She has lived w/me for 5 mons now. I had to quit my job in order to stay home w/her. No help @ all from other family members. Others that set her up accts are her old neighbors, her church & ppl from our local health dept were she goes to play Bingo. If i take her phone shes gonna have a 2 yr old fit & then tell ppl im mean to her or god knows what else.
(0)
Report
I don't know if this is about old people having dementia or what. I currently have a client that constantly cleans. I dusted and then he got angry and proceeded to blame me for not doing the job correctly. I left and went to finish the laundry. I'm hot tempered myself and left the room before I said something I couldn't take back. He got a good piece of my mind though. I told him that he could get someone else if he wasn't satisfied with my work. I can only do what he allows me to do in his home. I told him that Certified Nursing Assistants and Home Health Aides are not maids. We do light housekeeping.

I don't take too kindly to old people yelling and criticizing me for not doing the job good enough. It's a form of manipulation and control making you work harder than you need to. I don't get paid enough for the gaslighting and control issues these people have going on with them.

As far as you mother and her lies, have her placed. Your nerves will thank you for it. GET YOUR LIFE BACK!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Scampie1
Report

You should get her out of your house. Just because no one else wants to care for her, doesn’t mean you HAVE to.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to LoopyLoo
Report

Does mom have dementia or what??? Does she realize that living with you is a privilege that you can revoke at any time? I suggest you give her one more chance to stop the nonsense or she can find another place to live.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report
Alisha123 Jul 11, 2024
She was tested about 6 yts ago & was told she had Alheizmers then retested by a diff doc last yr & we were told she doesnt. Her family doc says she dont that its her age that her cognitive skills are weakening. 2 yrs ago she requsted to go to assisted living so i took 5 wks. of unpaid Fmla off of work to find her 1 ik would be good to my Mom & she would be happy. Took wks of me calling facilities & filling out paperwork. Sold alot of her belongings bc she wouldnt need them in a facility only for her to back out 3 days b4 she was to move in. Now she tells ppl i sold all her stuff & tried to put her away. She lies constantly & if shes mad at me will belittle me to whoever will listen but then when called out claims its her memory or confusion & promises not to do it again but theres ALWAYS an again.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter