Your profile states that: "I just moved in with my mom. We are fine financial and can tend to physical needs. I’m struggling with how to deal with my moms emotions and moods swings."
Your mom is 83. What's going on may not be "mood swings", but the beginnings of cognitive decline/dementia. I strongly suggest you confirm this by accompanying her to a doctor's appointment with the specific purpose of having a cogntive/memory exam (and test for UTI for good measure). Then you will know what you're dealing with. If it is the beginnings of dementia, moving in with her may not be a good situation for you unless she has the financial means to hire outside help or the ability to move her to a facility in the future if the caregiving overwhelms you (and if you read the Care Topic of Burnout it very likely may).
The elderly often have disrupted sleep patterns for a variety of reasons. Maybe try giving her tasks during the day, like folding a large pile of kitchen towels, chopping vegetables, sorting a large pile of things like plastic utensils or nuts and bolts, screws and nails, colored poker chips, etc. This burns mental and physical energy so that she may be more tired at appropriate times and less chatty late at night. Give her the tasks in the mid- to late-afternoon so offset Sundowning. Try not to allow her to nap too much during the day.
I highly recommend Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's a dementia expert and gives excellent advice about what it is and how to better engage elders who have it. You can find helpful caregiving strategies there also. I wish you much wisdom and peace in your heart on this journey with your mom!
Has this just started? About how long does she talk for? Is this every evening? Is she making sense? What does she talk about? Is she anxious? What kind of mood does she seem to be in? If she has grand children, and seems to reasonably lucid and not cussin', could you video her for the kids in the future? Interview her and ask a few questions about her life? One of my Mom's hospice nurses offered to do that-ooohhh brother, Mom wanted no part of it, shame as a couple of the grand kids would have liked to seen her, they were very young at the time. There are times when my husband will talk, non-stop for a good two hours and it's generally a stream of consciouness, ranging from foot ball to the latest game he's playing on line. I'm ok with it, dementia will strip this away from him at one point, so to listen, watch him rattle on will help me in the future when that will be a distant memory.
? Is 9-10 pm especially late at night, would we say?
If this is happening as part of your mother's bed-time preparation routine, while you're helping her to get ready for sleep, you can gradually adjust it to be earlier.
If she's sitting up in the living room, and the chattiness is an obstacle to her going to bed, and you can't begin shutting the house up until she's tucked up in her room, then I'd suggest initiating the above-mentioned bed prep.
But maybe it's a source of friction for other reasons: can you describe why it's a problem in a little more detail?
I’d suggest that you take advantage of how things are going well at present in order to establish a new routine for last thing in the evening. Clearly before she moved in, mother didn’t have the routine of a long chat with you. Ask her what her routine was, and then tell you yours (even if you make it up). You always read for half an hour to send you off to sleep, or you used that time to get your money records up to date, or you had a meditation session before bed. Or whatever seems plausible.
Tell mother that it has bee a valued part of your routine for a long time, and helped a lot with sleep. Does she want a glass of warm milk? Or a low light in the hall? Whatever her routine, it needs to fit in with yours. When in the day would she like to schedule a chat, instead of last thing?
If she says that she has really enjoyed the late chats and would like to continue them, be firm that it doesn’t work for you. You need to set some boundaries early, before you go along with bad habits. This is one boundary that matters to you. If her ‘emotions and mood swings’ need to change, find the book called Boundaries and get to work on setting up routines to change things that might get to be an annoyance. It’s in both your best interests. Yours, Margaret
Your mom is 83. What's going on may not be "mood swings", but the beginnings of cognitive decline/dementia. I strongly suggest you confirm this by accompanying her to a doctor's appointment with the specific purpose of having a cogntive/memory exam (and test for UTI for good measure). Then you will know what you're dealing with. If it is the beginnings of dementia, moving in with her may not be a good situation for you unless she has the financial means to hire outside help or the ability to move her to a facility in the future if the caregiving overwhelms you (and if you read the Care Topic of Burnout it very likely may).
The elderly often have disrupted sleep patterns for a variety of reasons. Maybe try giving her tasks during the day, like folding a large pile of kitchen towels, chopping vegetables, sorting a large pile of things like plastic utensils or nuts and bolts, screws and nails, colored poker chips, etc. This burns mental and physical energy so that she may be more tired at appropriate times and less chatty late at night. Give her the tasks in the mid- to late-afternoon so offset Sundowning. Try not to allow her to nap too much during the day.
I highly recommend Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's a dementia expert and gives excellent advice about what it is and how to better engage elders who have it. You can find helpful caregiving strategies there also. I wish you much wisdom and peace in your heart on this journey with your mom!
If she has grand children, and seems to reasonably lucid and not cussin', could you video her for the kids in the future? Interview her and ask a few questions about her life? One of my Mom's hospice nurses offered to do that-ooohhh brother, Mom wanted no part of it, shame as a couple of the grand kids would have liked to seen her, they were very young at the time.
There are times when my husband will talk, non-stop for a good two hours and it's generally a stream of consciouness, ranging from foot ball to the latest game he's playing on line. I'm ok with it, dementia will strip this away from him at one point, so to listen, watch him rattle on will help me in the future when that will be a distant memory.
If this is happening as part of your mother's bed-time preparation routine, while you're helping her to get ready for sleep, you can gradually adjust it to be earlier.
If she's sitting up in the living room, and the chattiness is an obstacle to her going to bed, and you can't begin shutting the house up until she's tucked up in her room, then I'd suggest initiating the above-mentioned bed prep.
But maybe it's a source of friction for other reasons: can you describe why it's a problem in a little more detail?
Has she been lonely during the day & this is when she has your attention?
I don"t know what to DO about it - just looking for reasons behind her behaviour..
Tell mother that it has bee a valued part of your routine for a long time, and helped a lot with sleep. Does she want a glass of warm milk? Or a low light in the hall? Whatever her routine, it needs to fit in with yours. When in the day would she like to schedule a chat, instead of last thing?
If she says that she has really enjoyed the late chats and would like to continue them, be firm that it doesn’t work for you. You need to set some boundaries early, before you go along with bad habits. This is one boundary that matters to you. If her ‘emotions and mood swings’ need to change, find the book called Boundaries and get to work on setting up routines to change things that might get to be an annoyance. It’s in both your best interests. Yours, Margaret