She’s paranoid to the highest degree, distrusting, accusatory, thinks the doctor and I are plotting against her, refuses any new medications (Eloquis). Constantly agitated and mean with very hurtful untrue accusations.
So, you are her PoA? If not, then it's probably going to need to be the county as guardian that will need to manage her medical and financial decisions moving forward. It can differ by state and county.
Thank you all for your answers. I will take bits from each of you and decide a course of action, which will probably be memory care and Ice cream! Thanks.
Welcome to the forum. If you give more information it’s easier to get more relevant answers.
If the behavior is new or accelerated it could be a UTI. She can be tested at an urgent care. Once treated you might find her more willing to cooperate.
With dementia, she has little control over her hijacked brain. I would drop the testing conversation. If you notice she has short term memory loss then it does little good to gain her agreement on a course of action. She won’t remember. she just knows that no is the safest feeling answer if you are asking her to go.
Alternately, you can make the appointment. Go out for ice cream, stop off at the office for “your” appointment and have it prearranged with the neurologist for the testing. Then go get the ice cream.
You might even ask for an initial Telemed appointment. Those work well with my DH Aunt, 94 with dementia.
For your own peace of mind, walk away from ugly talk. Don’t respond, argue or try to persuade her that she is wrong or confused. Her mind can’t absorb that. It’s very hurtful and does you no good to listen to it. Start getting her a sitter so you can leave the house on regular intervals. You don’t need her permission. The better care you take of yourself, the better you will be able to care for her.
Its not the level that you need to find out but the type of Dementia she has. Some Meds work for some and not for others. She definitely would need something for the paranoia.
In your profile you say that she lives with you. Perhaps it's time to be thinking of placing her in a memory care facility. They will have Dr.'s on staff that can prescribe any needed medications, and will be better equipped to deal with her. Taking her to a Dr. to find out what "level" her dementia is, is really quite useless, as she will only continue to get worse, and there are no treatments as of yet for any of the dementias, with the exception of a few drugs that are hit or miss at best. So at this point you must now do not only what is best for your mom, but also what is best for you, and I believe you already know that that means she must be placed. Best wishes.
More information would be helpful: does she live with you or you with her? Are you her PoA? You can use a therapeutic fib to get her in to an appointment..."Social security (or Medicare) now requires an annual exam to confirm your benefits" And then if you get her there have a prepared note that says you are concerned about her cognitive condition and to please perform an exam and also test her for a UTI. Other than that if she needs to go to the ER for any reason you can ask to have her assessed there and then can be transitioned directly into a facility, if that's what works best for the both of you.
We we’re able to place my mother in a Memory Care without getting my mother to a doctor’s office.
The facility sent a nurse out to evaluate Mom. She evaluated mom, and added to her assessment our anecdotal evidence.
Mom CLEARLY needed Memory Care.
If the behavior is new or accelerated it could be a UTI. She can be tested at an urgent care. Once treated you might find her more willing to cooperate.
With dementia, she has little control over her hijacked brain. I would drop the testing conversation. If you notice she has short term memory loss then it does little good to gain her agreement on a course of action. She won’t remember. she just knows that no is the safest feeling answer if you are asking her to go.
Alternately, you can make the appointment. Go out for ice cream, stop off at the office for “your” appointment and have it prearranged with the neurologist for the testing. Then go get the ice cream.
You might even ask for an initial Telemed appointment. Those work well with my DH Aunt, 94 with dementia.
For your own peace of mind, walk away from ugly talk. Don’t respond, argue or try to persuade her that she is wrong or confused. Her mind can’t absorb that. It’s very hurtful and does you no good to listen to it. Start getting her a sitter so you can leave the house on regular intervals. You don’t need her permission. The better care you take of yourself, the better you will be able to care for her.
Taking her to a Dr. to find out what "level" her dementia is, is really quite useless, as she will only continue to get worse, and there are no treatments as of yet for any of the dementias, with the exception of a few drugs that are hit or miss at best.
So at this point you must now do not only what is best for your mom, but also what is best for you, and I believe you already know that that means she must be placed. Best wishes.