I've been living with my mom five years to the day (she's almost 102), and she is now officially a resident of an ALF. The actual move is scheduled for next week. This has happened pretty quickly over the past few weeks. In that time, she has had no contact with her few "friends" - one reason for going to ALF. Still, she's concerned about what to tell them when she does eventually talk to them. She's always been a "what will people think?" kind of person, and one "friend" in particular is likely to have a very negative response to it. I'm tempted to talk to her myself, and, frankly, I don't care what she thinks of me. I think mom is concerned that they'll see her differently and keeps asking me what she should tell them. I have my thoughts, but wondering if anyone on this forum has any insight on telling friends about such a transition? BTW, mom is a bit tentative and anxious and maybe scared, but also seems willing and maybe even excited about this new chapter. But I know what her friends think matters to her. Thoughts?
I think Mom has enjoyed how they've carried on about how sharp she is and how wonderful I am for giving up life as I knew it and moving here to care for her. They have no clue how much she has declined, and I am weary. I also believe I've been enabling her dependence on me and her reclusiveness, which hopefully ALF will undo some.
I think this concern definitely reflects folks of her generation, but it is partly having too much time on her hands to stew about "things". Once the word is out there, everything will work itself out one way or another, right?
I LOVE this forum. It's been such a blessing. Thank you all.
Tell your friends that mom has decided to take advantage of all that ALF has and she is looking forward to participating in activities. And since mom will not need you all the time you are free to join them for lunch or dinner.
Tell your moms friends that mom has decided to take advantage of what ALF has to offer and is participating in activities. If they decide to visit they should call in advance to see if there are any restrictions on visitors.
I like the idea of Mom getting cards and putting her new address inside. My handwriting is lousy so I have typed up inserts. Using that roll on paste to put them inside. Your Mom is 102. Of course she is going to need more help. And as said, she could say it was about time to be waited on.
Yes, seems there is always one friend or relative who is negative. Because...they are jealous usually.
”Oh, call first. I may be out on a day trip! Be sure to leave me a message! Ta-Ta!”
I mean really?? I'm only 62 years old and I don't give a crap what others think about what I do or don't do.
Tell your mom not to waste her time thinking about such silliness, but instead to concentrate on getting situated in her new place and making new friends.
And if her old friends say anything negative it will only be because they are jealous that they don't get to live in a nice assisted living facility.
She is moving house. She is not going to jail. Her real friends will be supportive and encouraging.
Maybe you could have "chage of address postcards printed for everyone on mom's Christmas list. "Exciting news flash! As of Oct 1. I'll be residing at Lambstown Manor, (address and apt. # and phone #). Looking to this next chapter of my life; hope you will visit me here soon."
‘oh the things we have to do for our kids.
Perhaps your mother could tell her friends that it was HER decision to move to assisted living because she finally decided she wanted to be more social and wanted to be surrounded by a hotel type of environment, complete with maid service, concierge service, and a chef that prepares meals. And she wanted to have more daily interactions with people her own age and interests. That way she has more time to do the things she wants to do.
If the question arises as to why you couldn't take care of her, she could just tell them that you were planning to do more travelling and taking longer trips. Whether that is true or not, doesn't matter.....that way she can 'blame' you for the situation but also showing that she was proactive and empowered to make her own decisions still.