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How do we pay for mom to be in memory care facility and not bleed dad's assets dry?

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Aside from Medicaid, where you would have already bled dad's assets almost dry, there are other ways to pay for LTC. Unfortunately, you must have previously purchased certain financial products to have the LTC options. Does your mom have an annuity or life insurance policy? If so, beginning to annuitize the annuity policy can help by getting monthly distributions from it. If she has a life policy, most policies allow for accelerated death benefits where she could take a tax free cash advance on the face value of the policy. The remainder of the death benefit would still be in force. Call the insurance companies for specifics.

Another option is to sell the policy for less than face value to a third party who will become the beneficiary. These are either viatical or life settlements.

Finally, a reverse mortgage might work if they still own a home. However, these are very expensive to obtain and need to be paid back at the sale of the home. A reverse mortgage may be an obstacle for Medicaid approval. If you elect monthly distributions, each month puts you further in debt and because you don't make any mortgage payments, the interest accumulates.
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My mother spent four years in a nursing home. The cost quickly burned through a long term care policy. For a short time my dad paid out of pocket and then she went on Medicaid for the rest of the time. My mother’s SS went toward her care, my dad kept his SS and his entire pension, as well as their savings (it wasn’t huge) The only big change was he was required to sell one car, he could only have one under Medicaid rules. His lifestyle was unchanged financially. And a side note, my mother’s care was exactly the same with private pay and Medicaid paying, I doubt the workers ever knew who paid which way
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Medicaid allows assets to be split. Moms would go to her care and when the money runs out then Medicaid can be applied for. Dad becomes the Community Spouse and retains his half but there maybe restrictions on how he can use it. A member on the forum said a Trust is set up for the Community Spouse. Each State is different. I have only given you an overview. You really need to see a lawyer "very well versed" in Medicaid law.
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NotMyFamily Jan 2021
Thank you for the info!
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