I am taking care of my wife with dementia at home. What happens to her if I get sick from the 36 hour days and Family can't help and I don't want to pay for expensive nh care. She will leave home and wander the streets. She will become a bag lady? Or will the state put her into a nursing home? Will I get charged with neglect or elder abuse? Can the state force me to care for her or pay for her care?
It depends on laws in your state. In any event, HER asets will be used to care for her.
It sounds as though you need to make a list of questions for the attorney.
I think it's likely that her funds would be used to provide for her care.
Last year I had fallen and broke my shoulder, and it happened to have been my right arm thus it affected my writing, eating, putting on clothes, and driving. Well that played havoc with my parents who were still living on their own. I wasn't able to physically help them such as driving or doing things around the house for about six months. I had to cancel all their doctor appointments as my parents wouldn't take a taxi, etc. Thank goodness I could order groceries on-line and have them delivered to their house.
So we never know what the future has for us as being a caregiver. I didn't have Plan B for that situation. And my parents refused caregivers.
It might be a good idea to have a plan in place in case you do get sick and become unable to care for your wife for a period of time. Someone you can call in a pinch. An adult son or daughter? A neighbor?
It might help put your mind at ease if you could come up with a plan just in case. I'm a firm believer in always having a Plan B in my back pocket.
Did the eldercare attorney explain that as the community spouse, you retain the family home and assets that support you? Did he also explain that by having the ability to private pay for a while, you ll be able to get your wife into a better facility than if she was simply admitted as " Medicaid pending"?