Mum was of healthy mind when she moved in with me. It was meant to be temporary until my brother suddenly passed and she stayed due to grief. We are both on the lease (which she signed at the time). Long story short, she obviously developed dementia. We have been slowly looking at care options but have hit several road blocks along the way. I’ve always had a good rental history and always got my bond back. She has caused some damage around the house, mainly surface (i.e. plaster/paint jobs needed, damaged blinds). She had some urine problems resulting in dribble on carpets. Thankfully, I’ve gotten to it quickly with a carpet washer so I’m hoping they are ok. Nevertheless, recently she left a tap on and it terrified me. I’m now scared to leave her for even half an hour. This has all left me wondering, does everything else fall on me? If she goes to aged care and I end up moving a bit later, will all the other stuff fall on me because she has dementia? If something more serious happens, would it all be considered my fault because she has dementia? Will I be able to pass the bill to her or will I just be held accountable? I’m not her POA (she doesn't have one). We’ve been trying for almost 2 yrs to make me POA but were never able to get Mum assessed and think it’s too late now. I just want to know where I stand once she goes to a care facility. Of course being Mum, she’s happy to re-imburse any damage but how would I go about this?
This might sound pesky but I’m not in the greatest financial situation either. I’ve partly supported my family for years, while also going through COVID. I’ve been working full time as well as caring for Mum. I work from home but my days are a lot longer as I need to take time out to attend to Mum. The last thing I need is a huge bill. I won’t stay here once Mum goes to aged care as it’s too big and expensive. Once she’s settled in aged care, I’ll move. Again we are both on the lease papers. That poses another question, at what stage and how does she end her lease? Do I leave her name there until I move? I imagine if her name is removed before mine, then it will definitely be all my responsibility. Not whining here just don’t want to fall into a trap.
You will need an attorney to do this, and it is best to tell mom what is happening and why. It sounds like she would be agreeable to you handling things for her, so that won't be an issue. You'll just have to wait on the court date.
Once your receive guardianship/conservatorship from the court, you can approach the landlord about terminating lease with notice, and sign whatever forms are necessary. You can also then move moms money legally as necessary to pay for her portion of the bills until notice is complete. You will need to provide copies of your guardianship/conservatorship paperwork to all parties (banks/landlord etc) for their records.
She can be taken off the lease but will have to pay a cash penalty for breaking a lease contract. People often don't know that when they're placing someone in facility care, they don't have to just hand over every cent that person has. If they person going into care has unpaid bills in the outside world, they have to be paid.
NH, MC, AL, whatever kind of care facility will always try to convince a family that their bill must be paid in full first before they can even consider paying any others for their loved one. That's totally not true.
Take your mother to a lawyer and have Durable POA documents done. Any lawyer can make these up (paid for by mom). You don't have to pay more by having them done by a lawyer with a specialty in elder law.
Once that's done and you've placed your mother, start paying her bills. Like her remaing share of the lease. Or her share of repair or cleaning for the apartment when you move. Her credit cards, etc... Most importantly, make sure you do a pre-paid funeral contract paid for by her funds.
After you've gotten POA you can start billing for caregiving services that you provide and also for any services you carry out as POA. Like making phone calls for her, handling her medical/financial affairs, taking time out to tour facilities for her to go to. None of this has to be done for free. These are outstanding bills to be paid for out of her funds.
When you go to have the POA done, ask the lawyer about this.
Some POA's stop being enforceable AFTER a person becomes incapcitated. Instead of having a POA for this and a POA for that, I would suggest seeking Guardianship of your mother. Guardianship would allow you to take care of all aspects of her life (financial, insurance, medical, etc)--all in one document. Here in the US, it would mean going to court and have a judge sign off on it. It was a good suggestion in this thread to seek out a Pro bono lawyer would might take this case for free or reduced cost. It sounds like you might be in the UK? I would suggest calling senior support resources in your area to find a possible attorney...Here in the US we have Legal Aid services in just about every county and we also have CICOA to access resources for aging seniors. Hope that helps. I wish the best for both of you and thank you for caring for your mother the way you are doing. Its a loving thing to do.
I explained they told me resuscitation is very tough and often means intense bruising an broken ribs . She just told me she wouldn't like that at all just please let her go and then we moved on to other things on the form I was so relieved, such a horrible thing to ask your mum but so very necessary.
1. Read the lease. Are you a joint tenant or co-tenant? Does the lease say anything about going from the current lease period to a month-to-month arrangement?
2. Check with an elder law attorney about the laws in your state. Some states allow tenants or co-tenants to terminate a lease because of disability.
3. Check with community eldercare organizations. This problem has probably come up before.
4. There are many stages of dementia. One can have what we call dementia and still have capacity to make legal decisions. I urge you as soon as possible to see an elder law attorney, who can help determine her capacity. She may still be able to name you as her financial/medical durable POA agent.
5. Has she seen her doctor or a doctor who deals in dementia? If not, do this right away.
6. I don't know for sure, but I imagine a person without legal capacity can't legally pay from her accounts. I could very well be wrong but her incapacity may be the same as if she had moved out. Look at the lease to see what your responsibilities are as a co-tenant when the other tenant has moved out.
7. Do you have a relationship with the landlord? Can you talk to them about this? If there's a property manager, try to talk to them too.
8. Do as much repair up as you think is worth it.
9. If she cannot assign powers of attorney, you will probably have to petition the court to become her guardian/conservator. This takes time and does cost money but I believe you can be reimbursed from her accounts.
10. I don't know what state you're in. State laws and regs vary. You must get legal counsel where your mother lives.
NOTE: A person can sign durable medical and financial powers of attorney at any time after they are an adult as determined by your state. One does not have to be assessed. In fact, have a trust and estate attorney draft a complete estate plan once you're of age as long as you are competent. Then have your plan documents updated on a regular basis, perhaps every five years.
These are suggestions and not legal advice.
You need to amend the lease to accomplish the changes you want, but you also need to address the issue of it being considered a changed arrangement and/or new lease if you remove your name.
There might be the possibility though of creating and executing an exculpatory amendment to remove your name, and your liability. This should be done by a real estate or landlord/tenant attorney. It's not a job for someone w/o legal experience.
As a rental property owner, I don't care who tore my property up, whomever is on the lease is going to pay to have it repaired, that is industry standard.
I highly recommend white vinegar for killing the enzymes in the urine that will show up on a black light test.
Once you have the work completed, you can have mom buy a prepaid credit card that you can hold onto until you both have relocated, in the event you need the handyman again.
You probably cannot get out of your lease until it done. If you have a sympathetic landlord he may let you out of it early. As said, taking Mom off the lease does not mean your not responsible for her damage.
Probably the only way to get your mother off an existing lease is to provide proof she's no longer competent and has to move to a facility. That might break the entire lease (check the lease terms) and you'd have to re-qualify on your own, or more likely, you're left with paying all the rent until you move.
How much time is left on the lease? Can you sublet her half of the apartment for the remainder of the lease?
Best of luck. See an elder law attorney for your options here.