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The assisted living has a Covid outbreak. We received a message stating there are no cooks on staff tomorrow and families need to bring in meals and help with family.



My husband believes I should make large portions for people without families nearby.



What happens to the people with no families if I decide not to cook for them?

When there was an issue at my mother's Memory Care and the chef had Covid, the Executive Director ordered take out food to be delivered from the Olive Garden. That's how the residents ate. Not by asking their families to cook!

This facility your MIL is in really does sound like a total nightmare in every way. Why do they have NO plans in place to deal with a virus that's been with us for over 2.5 YEARS now?

I suggest you call over there right away and recommend they order take out food from local restaurants to feed their residents 3 meals a day. To have the families cooking food in their kitchens is unacceptable. They have no idea how clean your kitchens are, or what kind of quality control you have over the food in your fridges and pantries. This is not to suggest you are dirty or any such thing......just to say it's inappropriate and against health code standards for them to be asking families to COOK for residents!
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PeggySue2020 Jul 30, 2022
Even hospitals allow family to bring in food from home ordinarily. Even when they were not allowing any visits due to covid, their los could drop off lunch. Brothers Wife did this a lot while mil was under chemo, even though she couldn’t interact with mil.

But, the hospital certainly didn’t require that, nor would they allow families to cook for strangers.
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MIL, this is a forum full of people with opinions and you may not like all of them, that's for sure. The internet is not the place to find the level of help you need with your MIL. You and DH need professional guidance. Applying for LTC Medicaid is not a simple 1-2-3 matter either, and something you may need help with. The Elder Care atty will also be able to advise you of someone who can do just that. I was going to hire a gal to walk me thru the whole process and submit the application TO Medicaid for me, and then follow thru with it to completion. The cost was $1400. She emailed me the application and spoke with me at length over the phone; I didn't wind up needing to apply; my mother passed away before she needed Medicaid.

Some things are not within your control to change, but some ARE. The Serenity Prayer comes to mind in your case:

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The Courage to change the things I can;
And the Wisdom to know the difference.
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anonymous1473280 Aug 2, 2022
I am meeting with a divorce attorney Thursday.

I wish you peace with your addiction quoting the Serenity prayer. It is not in the Bible and not real.

I wish you peace to deal with your demons
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So curious about this facility, MILHell. I think you mentioned it’s “faith-based” or non-profit or something. It sounds like a scam. I’m imagining a facility run by like the pastor’s wife’s sister or something. But maybe I’m totally off base and the people who are in charge are just unprofessional and incompetent? 🤔
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Cover999 Aug 1, 2022
Lol
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What a hot mess--

My initial response, coming from a place of 'giving' was to go ahead and make large batches of food and deliver it to the facility--then my realistic side kicked in and I saw myself trying to organize and cook for X many residents, 3 times a day, making the meals healthy, diabetic friendly and not horrifically costly.

Next to impossible! I could do it ONCE or TWICE, but not 3xs a day for goodness knows how long?? 2 weeks, at least??

I'd take care of MY LO and have a good chat with the director of this place. FOOD comes ahead of SHELTER, IMHO. And I agree, they've had 2.5 years and counting with the pandemic and it's not going away, so they need to figure something out.

There are certainly plenty of food service companies who can do banquet style meals if the people there have no family, Even if they do!

So, every time they have a COVID breakout, there's no food service? That's extremely poor planning.
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Patathome01 Aug 16, 2022
It is so expensive to live in a residence that is not a charity ward. Takeout food service is the backup plan during Covid outbreaks. I don't think this virus will ever go away with its many variants and subvarients. Sorry that it is probably permanent.
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The OP states in a reply below that the MIL has bed sores. This is nursing home neglect.

Her husband and his siblings should be looking to get mom out of this s**t hole and into an appropriate facility instead of yammering on about the food. That is the least of this facilities problems.

It is like this place is holding MIL hostage. Note they do not even administer moms insulin there. The OP has to go up there 4 times a day to give MIL insulin.

I really dont understand this OP or her husband and why they are being cowed by this facility. One call to licensing or some sort of regulatory board would get this place investigated.

If I knew the name of the place I would do it myself. Nothing worse than a place like this hiding under this faith based nonsense to neglect and abuse seniors they are supposed to be caring for.
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Cover999 Aug 1, 2022
Money can be good
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Unless you are a professional cook with food safety certifications, the al might well turn down your kind offer.

What they should be doing is contracting with such a provider. Even San Quentin State Prison did that in 2020.
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I have to agree, its the ALs responsibility to feed these people. They get paid to provide 3 meals a day. If it wasn't the weekend, I may call the health department to see what they think.

No, do not take food to others. Provide for your Mom. DH is a good guy but good deeds don't go unpunished. They will not starve, the AL has to provide meals.
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Thank you Barb. I feel as if I am 45 going on 105 right now.

I have not slept for long periods of time since July 2020. MIL fell and I heard my shoulder pop lifting her. I am in alot of pain all the time, I cannot lift my arm straight in the air. The doctors tested me for heart issues and apnea. I have neither. I dont sleep because of pain in my shoulder and upper arm. It seems no one listens to anything anymore.
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SnoopyLove Jul 31, 2022
Yikes, so sorry to hear this.
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Has anyone done an MRI of your shoulder? Could be a rotator cuff injury.
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anonymous1473280 Jul 31, 2022
No, they need to rule major things out first.
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Hopefully a divorce lawyer can help her. As I read her responses, it became clear that her husband may be abusive. Seems too he could care less about his Moms care. She said there is a care team and they don't think a bedsore is not a sign of negligence? If the waiver Mom is on does not cover her needs why isn't LTC not being suggested?

And for someone who owns nothing, a Medicaid application is not that hard. Moms caseworker helped me with Moms. You just have to provide paperwork needed. You would still need to do that with a lawyer or planner.

I do not see where anyone was rude. Maybe saying things she wasn't ready to hear? She seems to be the only one worried about her MIL but her hands seem to be tied. Seems husband may come from a dysfunctional family. She may be making the right decision to just walk away.
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