Ha! just saw a post from loonetoons he feels guilty because he did something bad to get help in caring for his mum!! What have any of you done that you may or may not feel guilty about??
ME well ive been a bit bad I put my mums incontinence pads (soiled of course) around my sisters room when she visited so she could see what its like to have to pick them up and bin them!!!! BUT i do not feel guilty! hee! hee!
Hoping shed feel sorry for me and help out more??? EH NO it didnt make any difference go figure?
So often we see on this forum that all you need to do is ask for help, be specific with your requests, keep the family in the loop, etc. HOGWASH. The vast majority of care givers are on their own - other siblings are very happy to sacrifice them to the care of their parent(s) and feel no guilt whatsoever for not caring at all - for you or their parent.
One of these days the good old 'big brother' WILL force elder care onto the kids and grandkids - once the money runs out and that is just around the corner. Even then, it will end up being just one kids who does it all :0( I think I am jaded.................. sorry.
But they live their lives, go to work and make a salary, have a pension and 401K, they are building their social security, they have good medical insurance. They have an opportunity to spend time with other ladies and gentlemen and have conversations, eat out, come home 4 to 5 hours after their quitting time (so they don't have to do anything) by then Mom has been fed and the dishes cleaned up so they can come eat without fear of having any duties of any kind.
I am treated badly just because I want or need to take off one day on the weekend or because I may want to take a two week vacation during the summer. Siblings who do not help with the care of their parents are a disgrace to their family and themselves. There are times that many of us have wished there was a way to make them have to legally give of their time, energy and money to assist with parents who are ill but that is not the case. We therefore remain the caregivers of our parents while they remain thankful that they do not have to be.
As difficult as it is to know that you have a brother or sister who should contribute to caregiving in some way, self-reliance is a practical approach and does not elevate frustration (and other negative feelings) as much. In my caregiving experience, I sorted through all of these feelings, ending up with this conclusion.