My mom is a serious alcoholic. 76 years old but more like 90. She lives in my neighborhood, not my home. I am an only child and there is NO other family around, period. I was out of town for 2 days in March and she had a panic attack and called 911, admitted to the hospital for a couple of days. In April she spent 10 days in a senior mental health/detox facility. Took a bad fall in May, hit her head, I called 911. She was admitted to the hospital for a couple of days. I begged for the hospital not to release her but they did. She took another fall last week and twisted up her foot. She refuses to discuss any other living arrangement (I will not have her live with me - she is verbally abusive and nasty) and mentions suicide on a regular basis (this has been going on for years and yes I've informed ALL of the doctors). If she is hospitalized again, can I refuse to pick her up?
Christy, although you feel it is your responsibility to care for your parent(s), please be aware that not everyone is equipped or capable for providing the level of care their parent(s) need. In addition, verbal abuse is NOT a normal consequence of aging. I believe most people make some allowances for people with dementia who may become verbally abusive. Sometimes, the most loving care a son or daughter can provide is ensuring they are cared for by in the most appropriate environment and the most capable people.
You're a glowing example of recovery. NOT!
What happened to sharing our experience, strength and hope?
Recovery is ATTRACTION rather then promotion. What the heck are you promoting, mania? Because you sure aren't attracting anyone to the sober/clean life.
Upstream will read your vitriol and never want her Mom to get sober!
Maybe you haven't passed step 2 yet. Because you surely haven't been restored to sanity.
We're here to help each other by sharing our experiences. Not opinions and not shoving them down someone's throat!
The simple fact of the matter is that children have no legal obligation to provide hands on care or financial support for their parents. Most of us here have helped our parents arrange their care, some have provided hands on care.
Taking care of a baby and taking care of a demented, or alcoholic or mentally ill parent is NOT something that a lone elder should attempt by themselves. That's my advice to Upstream.
You can't help an addict who doesn't want to be helped.
You can still refuse to pick her up if they try to insist. Although the hospital needs to discharge her, they are not allowed to "throw her out into the street." They are required to ensure she is discharged to environment where her needs can be met.
Bottom line, please communicate with her hospital care team as early in the admission as possible. While she's at home, contact an agency on aging or a geriatric case management resource for assistance.
Best of luck to you.
Talk to an elder law attorney and see what options are available. Just be sure they specialize in ELDER law.
Be strong.
Hospital and nursing home discharge planners can get very aggressive and tell you you have to come. You can say no.
I feel like our father has high-jacked much of my life. Unless I say no, am firm but compassionate, he will continue to manipulate, create high drama, put his children against each other, and exploit each person’s vulnerabilities for his advantage. He is 90-why would anyone expect him to suddenly change now?
You are the only one that can live your life. Please, from someone who has been where you are, don’t let this toxic person hi-jack one more minute of your life.
People that say it is your responsibility to take away her car, get her admitted and treated. That is not right-she has made her bad choices her whole life. She has legal rights. Making you feel guilty because you cannot make it happen is just wrong.
You can call the police if you see her driving while under the influence. You can call Adult Protective Services or 911 if she threatens suicide.
It is not your responsibility to try and fix this-it has been many decades in the making.
Again, my heart goes out to you and anyone else dealing with a toxic elderly parent.
You dont HAVE to pick her up. No one is forcing you to go get her. The hospital can make arrangements for a medical transport to her house or just a taxi or uber depending on the circumstances.
Have you had a meeting with the doctors and social worker at the hospital about your mom? Maybe its time she lived in a facility where they can keep an eye on her 24/7? If she is still falling and drinking etc how about getting power of attorney to make decisions for her?
You can petition the court, tell them whats going on and see what they say.
It sounds like you dont want to be around your mom but it may be time to step in and say “ enough is enough, Im taking over”
You both will be better in the end.
Good Luck!