What is the best way to tell your loved one that they need to leave your home for a higher, safer level of care of living? I can't have my mom at home any longer for fear of her being hurt by a fall, etc. She cannot stay in my home alone while I'm at work. But it feels like such a betrayal to move her elsewhere. I simply don't know what to do.
There are options.
Adapt your home so she can stay there safely. No stairs, no carpet, large roll in bathroom. And this will also come with caregivers that will be there to help her as well as to relieve you from 24/7 care giving.
Memory Care where she will have staff that is trained and where she is safe.
IF she can grasp the concept of either she can help make the decision ONLY if both of these options would work for you and your family. (can mom pay for the modifications to the house? can she pay for the caregivers needed? Will you be willing to have the changes made?)
If she does not understand if remaining in your home is not an option then there really is no "discussion"
You tour a few facilities and make the choice and then make the decision on a date. Just as you had no choice to go to school when you were 5 or 6 and mom made the decision that you were going to school....and you went.
She probably will tell you she does not want to go. She will complain. She will be fine. Just as you complained when you had to do something you did not want to do..you did it and you were fine.
I just took my Mom. When she asked where we were going I told her to her new apartment. She would have people to talk to and make knew friends. I set her room up as close as I could to her room in my house. I had the microwave taken out because she had lost the ability to use things like they should be. She settled in well. I went everyday just to check on her but didn't stay for more than 30 min. I lived 5 min away.
If you think Mom will understand, be direct and short. They can only comprehend too much at one time. So its "Mom, its time for you to move to your own apartment." If she says no say " yes, Mom, I can no longer leave u alone and I must work". You are now the adult and she is the child. Put yourself in that mode. Its now what she needs not what she wants.
In another case, a woman was told her "insurance" had approved the facility and it would give her some much-needed attention and maybe some physical therapy. She LOVES attention of any kind and she was told she could stay there as long as her "insurance" kept approving it. It's now been years, but it was for everyone's best interest and she adjusted very well.
It always blows my mind when people use words like 'betrayal' and say things like "Oh I could NEVER put my mother in such a place" because it's to their advantage to have such a high level of care & attention paid to them. My mother has been in Assisted Living since 2014 and has an entire TEAM catering to her every day; social activities up the wazoo, 3 hot meals & 3 snacks a day, outings, and other amenities too vast to list.
I won't have the money for such a thing when I'm old, unfortunately, or I'd go to an ALF in a heartbeat.
” Stray all” would be to ignore the elephant in the living room.
Providing safe clean living quarters is the very OPPOSITE of betrayal.