My mother is refusing everything - food, drink, communication. I'm not sure how to proceed next. She's 86, has moderate dementia, diabetic, high bp, a broken upper arm, and lost my dad a year ago. Refused to take her medications, yet her doctor denied hospice care because her vitals are somewhat stable.
She misses my dad tremendously. She's very confused, falls into hallucinations and is frail to the point of not being able to walk. Yesterday, she refused to eat, drink and communicate with us. She hasn't she woken up since 10:00a Sunday. She was very angry when I tried to change her diaper and started crying. I am her main caregiver in her home and my brothers do help whenever they can. As well, we have two caregivers assist during the week for a few hours while I'm at work. She feels that she's a burden and wants to end her life and be with my dad. She has a dnr in place. I have to contact her doc this morning to reconsider hospice care for her. She won't open her mouth for her meds either. My heart aches for her and I just don't know what else to do.
My mom never has what I think of as the physical symptoms of utis anymore, just the " omg, mom has suddenly taken leave of her senses" symptoms.
You'd be surprised how many non-geriatric doctors don't know about this either. So, spread the word! Best of luck, and Happy Thanksgiving .
Freqflyer, she broken her arm just this past Labor Day weekend. She wanted to be in the conversation at the table, so she walked over, sat in a chair. When she went to readjust her bum, her foot slipped out from underneath her, and she fell to her left side (not her primary) onto her arm. Her upper humerus is how they labeled that part of the arm. No rehab, but she is under her orthopedics watchful eye. You see, she's not a candidate for surgery because of her diabetes so basically, she needs to heal over time, on her own, and with the help of one Tramadol before bed. At the last visit, the x-rays showed that she is healing.
JessieBelle, yes, it's been very difficult. You know... I knew I could handle the physical aspect of caring for her. I just didn't realize how mentally and emotionally draining it was going to be.
After Thanksgiving, my husband is going to take me away from it all, but keep me close enough, just in case her condition changes.
And her doctor Finally gave the approval for hospice to evaluate her.
AND, mom began talking to me again.
Thank you all for your support, suggestions and wisdom.
Mom stopped eating/drinking 24 hrs ago. I washed her hair as she wanted, then she yelled that I was using dirty water for her hair. Of course I didn't. I was getting ready to give her a sponge bath and proceeded to undress her, and she yelled at me for undressing her outside where all could see, and telling me what a terrible person I am. She's refusing my help with everything. I'm heartbroken, and will call her doc and hospice for further assistance.
Thank You.
God bless you and good luck.
Others may think differently, but I lean toward calling her doc and demanding...DEMANDING...that mom be evaluated for hospice. This after you being very descriptive about her condition just as you have here. Use notes.
Her vitals being somewhat stable is not a reason to deny your mom the care that hospice will provide. They won't be stable for long if she's not taking her meds, not eating and not drinking. Swear. Her doctor sounds like an idiot. In his defense, does he KNOW she's not eating and drinking and taking her meds? If not, how's the time to tell him.
You are a wonderful daughter to help mom at this time in her life. It's not easy.
Call right now.