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Oh bless you Cindy In UK bungalows (one storey I think to you in the States) are much more expensive than houses and quite hard to find a decent one so fingers crossed that the good lord sends us one or I win the lottery!
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Poop-related incidents sometimes push me to the edge, particularly when Mommy Dearest deliberately is being difficult.

Back to your case, it's no wonder you need to scream. Your mother is seriously manipulative and abusive and you seem to feel helpless in the circumstances. Not true, but I know the feeling.

And perhaps the real truth is that you need to arrange for someone to look after your mother so you can go out. If money is an issue, find a family member, friend, neighbor, agency, charity, church or SOMETHING to provide regular respite.

And don't let your mother bully you out of doing this or whatever else you know is right. God bless.
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My sister peg, a geriatric nurse by profession, does none of the work associated with having Dad at home. She visits for ten minutes once a month, and feels she has done her duty. Last weekend Dad, who is suffering hallucinations and delusions, was up every hour on the hour. When i realized one of the medicines was causing it, he calmed down. After four days of no sleep, I asked my sister Helen to come Monday and Tuesday to let me sleep. Peg showed up, and helped for 4 hours, I didn't get the relief, Helen did. That night with everyone gone, my Dad starts on me, Peg is so wonderful, why don't i treat her better. I snapped. We had a knock down drag out fight. I slammed the door and went upstairs. My poor Dad thought I was leaving him. I heard pitiful moans, when I ran down to investigate, Dad had soiled himself. I told him that leaving was off the table, I am just mad at you, as long as you know what is happening to you, you will be at home, I promise. Dad said he loves both of us, that Peg was is child, but I do so much for him. I melted and instantly forgave him. We got cleaned up, and had ice cream.

The screaming came that night reflecting on that b--tch Peg. It's not enough she won't do anything, she must make me appear the villain. So selfish, so lazy, I don't have a problem with mean people, but mean people disguised as nice people sends me screaming into the night. After much reflection, I decided to forgive Peg, before I had a heart attack, this anger only hurts me and Dad. Somehow when I pity you, you no longer seem worth any other emotion. Pray for me, I am in for a rough ride, as Dad's Parkinson's goes into stage 5.
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Cindy, what about foreign currency? There probably are rules about it but just don't check and then you won't know. I don't see how she could be suspected of money laundering (though you might be - literally!).

I feel for you on the Kleenex. I once overheard my sister referring to me as "the tissue Nazi" but then she wasn't the one who had to cope with hygiene or pick bits out of the tumble dryer.
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Oh I know the tissued tumbledryer so so well CM why is that they have an obsession with the damned things? I have banned them and now mum has a hanky which she promplty used to wipe her soiled bottom - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH
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I love all your answers and stories.
The last time I screamed at my dad was something along the lines that "I wish SOMEONE would listen to me!" (Even before his dementia got bad, he thought his opinion was the only correct one.) But I scared my dog so badly that he never wanted to go into Dad's house with me...I had to clean up my act so my DOG would trust me again. I never screamed at Dad again, and I'm not one to go scream in the garage or the car, so that was it. I must say that "let it go" is a good mantra for me, but Dad NEVER would have been taken in to any of his children's homes...he lived alone with three visits daily from us, until we could trick him into the Memory Care home, so I was not dealing with what so many of you are dealing with.
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Tekka Mae thats why I scream in the garage - screaming at someone who has dementia or who is vulnerable is abuse and a prisonable offence both here in UK and in USA - screaming at a garage wall however is not - simples!
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kathy11, Will certainly be praying for you. The anger is only going to hurt you, not the siblings. My frustration was actually with my folks until I understood they could not help most of their behavior, themselves. They were upset they were losing memory and such. In Denial, of course, and so their frustration was directed at the 'kids'. When I realized how frustrated they were and that I did not help any by being frustrated, also. I could then agree if it did not matter, redirect if it does, be firm when necessary and in all LOVE THEM, because I do!
Some things are simple, not necessarily easy!! ( Some things are neither) Bless You!
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Tissues in the dryer have nothing on soiled incontinence pads left in the clothing and washed/dried. They explode, leaving little urine-soaked jelly "bits" all over the clothes, the washer, everywhere. And they DON'T come out easily. Did that twice before I started remembering to check every single article of clothing before washing.

Now it's not really an issue anymore, because Mom is doing very little changing of her own clothes these days.
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Oh Jude! - you can't win, can you. My mother would blow her nose, dab her mouth and then *wipe her eyes* in THAT order! Never mind scream moment, I was apoplectic over it. Love us and save us...
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Susan I only did that once (once was enough) but the worst thing about it was having nobody to blame but myself - no matter how hard I tried to work out how it was her fault.
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LOL @ SUsan and CM - I can't have that problem I change mums pants - they are disposable so the whole lot goes straight into the bin next to the commode...however it did take me an hour to get the disposable pinny unwrapped from the washing machine drun thingy bit - how it jumped inside I have no idea but it obviously did something horrible because we now have a new washing machine
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I dont know why I didnt write this first Mum wanted a shower at lunch time got her upstairs - not sure how, got her into the shower, got her hair covered in shampoo and pfft the shower stopped working - oh serious problem warm towels got wet as I rinsed her hair with warm water - the palarver really was a pain in the proverbial and now she says she wont get into the shower again in case it breaks again - well thats true in the immediacy no water no shower - at least it didnt suddenly go ice cold!
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Bummer! Of course the wretched water would have to wait for the second you'd got the shampoo on. Are you okay getting it sorted? Do you know what happened?
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Yep the plumber is coming Monday so I will be stinky by then but yes its the pressure valve ......apparently we had a pressure surge - and youre spot on its almost as though someone up there thinks aaaaah shes had it easy today now what can I do to make things a littlle more fun to watch!
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Screaming point was going to see Mom 3-4 times a week and still catching you-know-what for not coming frequently enough. Going and catching nothing but you-know-what the whole visit.
Screaming point 2 is filling out government forms. I'm on disability and every time I turn around there are more forms and every one of them wants something a different combination of copies of information. Getting 3 at once is enough to drive anyone over the edge. Getting denied for transportation to an out of county doctor because your actual miles differed with TMA's mapquest number by a mile or two is another screaming point. And apparently short jaunts off the given path for bathroom stops aren't allowed.
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Yes our respective government offices are so helpful. We have it all linked up I am told yet I still have to sent triplicate stuff off to about 5 different depts of the same place grrrrrrrrrr
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Mom is on the "will you turn me over please" thing again, and yes I have already turned her 3 times and spoken to her a dozen in the last 45 minutes. I don't know why it gets to me so much, it just does. I have come up with several coping strategies though, so my melt down the other day is not a frequent occurrence. Soon we can get our jammies on and have an ensure and take our night-time meds and she will be out for the night. And I don't need to go outside to scream (shutup shutup SHUTTHEFUP) as she is deaf as a post without her hearing aids and I know she doesn't hear me, but the neighbours probably think I am a horrible (b)witch!
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I went from screaming to numb as my daughter was dying from Leukemia. As long as you can still scream, I think you are doing OK. Numb is worse. After that came a racing heart and gasping for air, lying on the floor until the room stopped spinning. Keep on screaming.
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my screaming point? O god, this 24/7 working hours. Its been 19 days. But no more scream, when i have me time, i just sit and breathing, thinkingnnothing and do nothing
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Pam I empathis not with a daughter for I cannot imagine how hard that must have been but with my father who I watched die from cancer. I couldnt agree more screaming is definitely fine. Numbness means you know the end is near and cant do a damned thing to alter that
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I must practice my screaming. Have a garage not being used to it's full potential.
Let out a banshee wail in the garden recently which scared the heck out of my poor husband. Fortunately we get foxes so maybe the neighbours though it was them.
I am very lucky that my Mum is sweet natured but she does many of the things I've learned from this site are common with dementia sufferers. Packing to go home, the tissue folding/hoarding thing, etc.
What makes me go from calm to livid in a flash is incompetance, our health centre is high on my list. They have forgotten to do the tests which they took blood for, lost samples and turned up for a home appointment no-one told us about, which upset Mum. I know mistakes happen but it's the couldn't care less attitude. Just off to the garage, they say practice makes perfect.
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Cerise, you brought up an excellent point - a screaming point, that is.

Mom's recent fall was caused by her blacking out and falling out of her chair. Her doctor, who is Mom's age (and I think it's time he get out of the game), insists on putting on all her records that she "fell asleep and fell out of chair". (Which has led to me having to tell the story of her fall and how it happened over and over and over again to other docs, the home care nurse, the social worker, etc - because "fell asleep and fell out of chair" is on all the referrals!) I have told him repeatedly that he was NOT the one that was sitting 8 feet away and saw her fall, and the manner in which she fell. She was NOT asleep, she was unconscious, possibly not even breathing at that point. The only way I can describe her when she fell is "lifeless". The fall and slamming her head against the entertainment center jolted her back into consciousness. He refused to run more tests until I brought her back to his office, and she presented with shortness of breath and extreme fatigue, with O2 sat level in the low 80s. THEN he was willing to run an MRI and chest xray - but only then. Oh no, don't listen to the loved one who was there when the accident happened, just go off your own opinion and refuse to even consider that anything else could have happened. Idiot.

We are seeking a new doc this next week - a geriatric specialist.
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My screaming point was when Mom sat on the potty 1:30 one morning and then refused to get off and go back to bed. She stayed on it for 1 hr. and I tried everything, even resorting to living in her world.....'I need to go potty. You have to get up so I can go. I'm going to tell your momma you wouldn't let me use the potty'....she told me to go outside!
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Isuppose now is the right time to tell you of a funny story relating to the commode. As you are ALL aware the pot sits in the commode under the toilet seat - no idea why I explained that but hey ho! Mum lifted the toilet seat and sat her ample behind (for all she is frail her butt never seems to get smaller) full square on the commode. I was asleep didnt know it had happend until she started ringing the bell. She had somehow managed to create a vacuum between her and the pot and try as I might I couldn't see any easy way to release the pressure. I tried pressing on her skin asking her to lean forward and back nothing... In the end I said look Mum you ARE gonna have to stand and this is gonna get messy but I dont see another way round it. So I got an old washing up bowl that we use out in the garden and put an old non slip mat inside it and got her to start to stand. Well it didnt release immediately so I am stood there pressing her bottom in every part imaginable then all of a sudden whoosh pee and poo all over the bowl, carpet me her but at least she was free. It was bloody annoying at the time but now I look back on it incredibly funny
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Oh my gosh, Jude!! That's one for the books.
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Jude, that is another one of those crazy caregiver experiences that no one can fully understand but all of us!!
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Susan, I know where you are coming from with these doctors that just won't get it!! With me it is the doctor not understanding there are UTI's and that delirium can quickly occur if no antibiotic is prescribed. At one point it sounded like the doctor repeated the Wikipedia definition of the bacteria involved and not the one he should have learned in medical school! Scary and I am exasperated with them.
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I have a protocol tick sheet and if they dont follow it then I step in and request it from them and they hate me for it.
Have you dip tested her urine? Were the proteins and leucocytes normal were the sodium levels normal
Have you sent it off for analysis?
Bp? (make sure YOU know what normal is for said person)
Bloods? (Ask what tests they have done)
CT scan of the head?
Electroencephelogram EEG?
Mental status tests?
Neuropsychological tests?

It doesnt really matter whether you KNOW what the results should be just that you are checking every angle.

By the way these are the ones MY MUM needs tohave checked if your loved one has other issues then there will be a whole new set of tests that WILL differ from this set

At least the docs KNOW I am on their case and that I take a serious interest and if they dont tell me in lay terms then I ask them to explain so I can understand. Yep Im a pain in the butt but h*ll I have rights too
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Oh h*ll SATS - oxygen levels I forgot those - and pulse but they do those automatically hence me forgetting them

Mums usual pulse rate is 70 but it can vary slightly, her usual SATS are at 96/97% which is really good for her age
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