I've been caring for my dad for 7 years. He will not go to any appointments. He wants me to go for him. He has short-term memory loss from Xanax. I’m the only child. The home I live in is mine, but hasn’t yet been changed. I have severe depression and anxiety. I can’t get to the doctor and dad falls a lot. He cancels home health every day. Which I do for him. What other options do I have? Please!
1. Living trust up to date and who is DPOA.
2. Name on bank accounts and if house is not listed in Living Trust have it added to the Living Trust so that it comes to you and cannot be sold separately.
3. Online banking for bill pay and access to accounts. Hiding money in another account for him so that he cannot spend it unless you have knowledge about it.
4. Have a limit credit card so he cannot overspend.
5. Learn about medicare and medicaid process and how to use the services they offer.
6. Get a social worker to assist with placement if needed.
7. Hospice, palliative care information
8. End of life situation decisions - cemetery, cremation, etc.
9. Selfcare - therapist or friends that can help YOU!
Your dad needs to be out of your house(or is it really his and you're on the deed or something? You're not clear about that situation)and placed into a facility where he will receive the care he requires and you can get your life back and just be his daughter and advocate and not his severely depressed and anxiety ridden daughter.
You need help! Mental help, before you break. Please get it. There's help out there.
And next time dad falls call 911 and have the EMS transport him to the hospital to have him checked out, even if he isn't hurt, lie and tell them that he needs to go. And then once there, let the hospital social worker know that he CANNOT return home as you can no longer care for him and there is no one else to.
It will then be up to the social worker to find a facility that will take your dad.
You're going to have to be strong though as they(the hospital)will try and promise you all kinds of help to get you to take him back home, so you're going to have to stand your ground and just tell them NO.
Your dad is NOT your responsibility!!! I hope you know that in your heart of hearts.
It's time to get your life back and get a job that you enjoy, but first you MUST deal with your depression and anxiety issues. And stopping be the caregiver for your dad is a great place to start!
Now to try and answer your actual question, I'm not sure exactly what "legal issues" or paperwork you're referring to, but if it's Power of Attorney paperwork(both medical and durable), that has to be initiated by your dad as he has to appoint someone to be his POA, and with how uncooperative he seems tp be I'm not sure that you'll be able to get him to do that.
But that's ok. Perhaps it's best at this time anyway to just let the state take over his care, so again you can get on with living and enjoying your life, because as you already know life is very short and very precious.
I wish you the very best in finally getting to take care of yourself!
I’m sorry for the loss of your mom to cancer. You haven’t even been able to grieve her death if you are continually caregiving for your dad.
Unfortunately, your dad expects a lot from you. It sounds like you are done with caregiving and I don’t blame you.
You can contact Council on Aging in your area and explain your situation. Ask them what services are available for your dad.
Do you still have home health for your dad or have they left? If you still have them ask the lead nurse what can be done.
Call his doctor and ask for them to connect you to a social worker. That’s actually how I found out about AgingCare website.
I am so sorry about your anxiety and depression. I’ve been there too. It’s hard.
My caregiver days have ended. My parents are deceased. I hope you will find peace. I’m glad that you recognize that this is too much responsibility for you to handle on your own.
Best wishes to you.