Mom is 83, has had type 1 diabetes for 50 years, is suffering moderate dementia, lives in an assisted care residence that both she and I have been very pleased with. Now her money is running out and my choices for her are either move in with me, try to get my sister to split the cost with me to stay where she is, or relocate her to a nearby Medicaid facility. She is under hospice care for her dementia so all of her diabetic care would fall to me if she moves in with me. I have administered insulin on a sliding scale before, so technically I could do that. But her diabetes is so brittle now, I am fearful.
Bottom line is, because I can give her insulin, I feel like I should. When she was lucid and in fact, all her life, she did not want to live with one of her kids. I tried to have her live with me before she moved in to the residence, and again, she said she couldn’t imagine anything worse than living with her grown children.
Sorry this is so long, I tried to be succinct, I guess I’d just like some thoughts and opinions.
Follow you Mother's values - listed in the above sentence.
Take the Medicaid option with a clear conscience.
I would also respect her wishes of not wanting to live with her children. I love my children dearly but I would not want to live with them. They deserve to live their own lives.
Best wishes to you and your mom.
As mentioned previously, both dementia and brittle Type 1 diabetes will continue to increase her need for prompt 24/7 medical care as she ages.
Your MORAL OBLIGATION is VERY CLEARLY NOT to have her live with you. Relocate her to the Medicaid facility, visit as often as you are comfortably able to, and continue caring for her there without attempting to burden yourself with a very misplaced sense of guilt.
You are able to do just what she wanted. Be at peace doing it!
As you taking on paying for this care, I would say only if you are independently wealthy. You and your sister should now be saving for the care that you will need in a world going forward. It is no time to pay for the care of an elder who would/could live a decade or more.
If you have been on Forum for any amount of time, reading postings, you will understand more what you are considering taking on. I myself would advise against it. But you must make your own decision. If your Mom will have to move from her facility in ANY case, this is a good time to give it a try; I think you would need to make it clear to YOURSELF, your Mom, your Sis and all others that this is an experiment.
Wishing you good luck. Only you can make this decision.
So sorry you are going through such a difficult situation. Sending you a big hug and a prayer that find acceptance with your decision, whatever it turns out to be.