Hello - My mother is in hospice for chf, but she has other serious comorbidities. Since Covid, the social worker has not visited, but he has called my mother and me separately. He will be visiting with his supervisor tomorrow, and I know they will be asking how my mother is doing. I am going to be there too. What questions can I ask during the visit? My mother is declining, but she is still of sound mind and still managing in her own home. My mother is never honest about how she is doing. Do I just keep quiet when she lies? Do I tell them the truth? I’m sure the hospice nurses have filled them in on my mother’s current state. I don’t want the visit to be unnerving for my mother.
I would love to see my mother go to the hospice facility soon. It would be such a relief to me that she will be taken care of. I worry so much about her when she is not feeling well. And my health is not good. She’s been on hospice for almost 1 yr and 8 months.
She is not on hospice for her breast cancer - only for the chf. But the breast cancer has become the pink elephant in the room. It is very stinky and itchy, even under her arm. The dermatologist can’t make a formal diagnosis, but at least maybe she can give some cream and some advice on how to care for this going forth. So much to think about.
I hope you find a solution soon. Was the end of life facility addressed?
Do not neglect your own health.
And basically on your OWN time, or by phone, discuss all you are uncomfortable about discussing (and kind of should be) in front of Mom. Remember the journey is Mom's to direct and control as much as she can.
Wishing you good luck. Has to be so hard to be in this position when you are not well yourself.
Does the SW know about your dx? If not, s/he should.
Your mom's care should not fall entirely on your shoulders! Ask about respite care and definitely find out what the facility costs would be. If mom has long term Medicaid, the room and board part would be covered.
Write down a list of any concerns to discuss.
Your mom’s nurses will tell the whole story to the social worker. They are used to the elderly patient’s embellishments.
I highly recommend an end of life facility. My brother was in one. He did not pay anything out of pocket for his care.
My brother actually went twice! The first time he ended up walking out of the facility.
He surprised us all with his improvement.
My brother returned to the facility several months later and peacefully died.
The hospice facility will provide a social worker, clergy if you are religious, and excellent nurses that make sure the patients are comfortable.
It is important to share your health issues with the social worker so they can see an end of life facility is needed for your mom.
Hospice provides counseling before and after your loved one dies. I had a very positive experience with the facility that my brother was in.
You know that she would be financially responsible for the room and board portion of the facility and that can be as high as 1k daily. Isn't there a better solution to helping you not worry?
In my opinion it would be cruel to place her in a hospice facility just to make yourself feel better.
With my LO’s social worker visits, she brought her iPad and she played my LOs favorite music videos. Just positive, friendly, supportive time.
When away from mother, I’d ask the questions about qualifying for inpatient hospice care.
Have a typed up, bulleted list of YOUR concerns ready to hand off if they are not willing to talk to you.