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My mother who is 65 is an alcoholic. She drinks at least 2 bottles of wine every night. She is so depressed. She has macular degeneration and is legally blind. She is in constant pain with arthritis and nerve pain. She says the drink is the only thing that helps her. We have spoken about her drinking and her depression but nothing changes. She doesn't want to help herself it seems. She sleeps all day until late evening and is also on a lot of medication for various things. She keeps getting UTIs so the doctor gives her antibiotics for this. It helps for a few days and then the uti comes back. Has anyone else have these issues with their parents? I really don't know what to do.

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The first thing you need to do is move out. Lockdown or not, you must remove yourself from the situation. Your mother is still relatively young, and has made her choices, and is now an alcoholic. It's a horrible disease for sure, but nothing you say or do will make any difference, so the best thing you can do(other than move out)is get hooked up with a local Al-Anon meeting in your area, and help yourself. Most now are meeting on Zoom, which is helpful during Covid.
As far as her recurring UTI's, is she finishing the whole prescription, or just until she's feeling better? Most courses of antibiotics are for 7-10 days, and it's very dangerous for someone not to complete the whole 7-10 days, even if they're feeling better after a few days. But again, your mom is a grown ass woman, and if she doesn't choose to take her prescriptions properly, that's on her not you. After you move out and you're concerned about her, you can always make a call to APS, and report what's going on with her. They can take things from there. Wishing you the best.
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if she is legally blind how is she getting her 2 bottles of wine a day?

Move out.
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Cat there is nothing you can do, this is 100% on your mom. I really feel for you because my mother is also an addict. She has been addicted to opiates since 2016 and also drinks every night. When she first moved here and I saw the addiction to opiates I got all worked up about it, wondering and worrying if I should intervene. I already knew she was a nightly drinker. What I eventually learned is there was nothing I could do. Our parents still have the right to make bad decisions and we can't stop them.

Your mom is only 65. She is still pretty young. I hope you can move out ASAP and focus on your own life. Do you have any plans to move out?
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There really isn't anything YOU can do. The choices belong to your mother. She is self medicating and now addicted. She has depression and apparently some chronic illness problems. Alcohol is no help with chronic urinary system problems. I am sure you have at least once spoken with her about this. Hopefully she does not live with you, nor you with her. Get on with your own life; you can't change the choices of other.
I highly recommend Al-Anon. You will see yourself as though in a fun house set of mirrors; others will be ahead of you in learning how little you can do for others. There are great people with great resources and a real sense of community and commiseration.
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Yes I am living with her at the moment because if lockdown. Yep she is up all night then. Some days she isn't even sleeping she just in bed. Then when she goes on the phone in the evening she pretends everything is fine to whoever she is speaking to. She was the same with me when I didn't live with her. Oh sorry I missed your call my phone was in the room she might say but knowing she is actually in bed. When we talk about it she will usually change the subject or get defensive and say when you are 65 you can do what you want.
Many times I have asked her to talk to her doctor about the medication she is on as some of them she has been taking them for years. One does this, the other does that because they each have different side effects. I have lost faith in doctors as they don't seem to care and just give her her prescription without asking how they are affecting her.
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If she sleeps all day, is she up all night?

Does she live with you?
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cat136 Feb 2021
Yes I am living with her at the moment because if lockdown. Yep she is up all night then. Some days she isn't even sleeping she just in bed. Then when she goes on the phone in the evening she pretends everything is fine to whoever she is speaking to. She was the same with me when I didn't live with her. Oh sorry I missed your call my phone was in the room she might say but knowing she is actually in bed. When we talk about it she will usually change the subject or get defensive and say when you are 65 you can do what you want.
Many times I have asked her to talk to her doctor about the medication she is on as some of them she has been taking them for years. One does this, the other does that because they each have different side effects. I have lost faith in doctors as they don't seem to care and just give her her prescription without asking how they are affecting her.
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I may go over her meds with her doctor. Sometimes they cause other problems. And drinking with them is not good. She may need to go to a clinic to "dry out". Be taken off all her meds and introduced back one at a time. Her pain could be managed by a pain management doctor.
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