We brought mom in to live with us in a beautiful home in the country. She was so unhappy even though she had the best of everything and was waited on, taken to all her appointments, loved and cared for
She does have some dementia. My sister, brother in law and I were all moving from the Chicago area and selling the properties where we lived. I was moving to Florida and my sister and brother in law to Huntsville, AL. I ended up in Huntsville with my Mom, Sister and Brother in Law. We all took care of Mom, paid attention to her and tried our best to make a lovely home. There was plenty of room for everyone with a beautiful yard and a very safe area. Mom has always been negative, unhappy and angry at times. This move made it worse and her negativity became constant. She told her friends that she felt like she was in prison.
Mom took all of her things, put them in trash bags and went to my sisters house where 2 adults and 2 children that we don't know picked her up. Mom knew them but my sisters and I don't. Through other acquaintances of Mom we were able to track her down and I spoke with her. She made it to Chicago and is living in someone's apartment as a tenant. She stated that we don't love her or care about her and she said she was going to get a haircut, shoes and a gold ankle bracelet. She also brought up many things from 20 - 30 years ago that were not fact. She was crying as she spoke and wouldn't allow me to get a word in. She has early dementia and won't or can't reason when we voice our concern about her trying to live alone without any support system.
Is mom competent? If so and she left on her own volition there is nothing you can do. If however she is not competent and she was coerced into going with these "friends" then you can contact authorities and file a report. It would either be a missing persons or a vulnerable senior coerced into leaving. If she has access to money or charge cards with her you might be able to track where she is. Do not cancel cards as the police can track her that way. (was told that when my Husband went missing and I called the card company right away to cancel the card. I was told I should have left it active)
I say good for her. At 90 years old perhaps she was tired of being treated like an invalid and wanted to live and enjoy the rest of her life to the best of her ability. I mean at 90 she obviously doesn't have that much time left. And I don't think we're getting the whole story here, as there are always 2 sides(well actually 3)and we're only hearing yours. She obviously had her reasons to "run away"(which I can't help but grin when I type that, as the visual of a 90 year old woman running away is something I'd never heard about before)and unless she has some form of dementia(which you don't mention)I would just wait until you hear from her and take it from there. I'm guessing you weren't home when mom made her escape,(again grinning) but do you at least know the friends she went with? Hopefully they have good intentions for and with her and that your mom is having a great time.
She says unknown friends... But all I can think about is how many on here have asked about wanting to run away from thier caregiving.. The care GETTER running away is a new one for me too
A better question would be, what CAN you do? Do you know where she is? Who she's with? Would you know where to find her if you wanted to? I mean, if you don't know who she's with, only that she 'ran away from home' as an adult, to Chicago, I suppose you could call the police and see if you can file a missing person's report, letting them know you feel she's a vulnerable elder who's in danger, if that is what you feel in your heart. Is she of sound mind? You have nothing whatsoever filled out on your profile about her, so.......?
If not, wait until you hear from HER that she needs help in some way, then go to her side.
It must be a terrible feeling to have your mom run off like this. But if she's THAT unhappy, and providing she's not suffering from dementia and unable to decipher right from wrong/good from bad, etc., then you may just have to accept that she's chosen another lifestyle and leave her to it.
I love Chicago. It's my home town. I would run away with ANYONE pretty much to get there. Of course I am only 80. Hoping to have the strength at 95 to run away from home again. I am surprised your Mom was living with you in a beautiful home in the country but you didn't know any of her friends? Fascinating story. Hope you will keep us updated. Tell her to be certain to see the Art Institute. Especially the following painting: https://www.artic.edu/artworks/111656/pardon-in-brittany It is likely my third favorite painting in the entire world.
My sister, brother in law and I were all moving from the Chicago area and selling the properties where we lived. I was moving to Florida and my sister and brother in law to Huntsville, AL. I ended up in Huntsville with my Mom, Sister and Brother in Law. We all took care of Mom, paid attention to her and tried our best to make a lovely home. There was plenty of room for everyone with a beautiful yard and a very safe area. Mom has always been negative, unhappy and angry at times. This move made it worse and her negativity became constant. She told her friends that she felt like she was in prison.
If however she is not competent and she was coerced into going with these "friends" then you can contact authorities and file a report. It would either be a missing persons or a vulnerable senior coerced into leaving.
If she has access to money or charge cards with her you might be able to track where she is. Do not cancel cards as the police can track her that way. (was told that when my Husband went missing and I called the card company right away to cancel the card. I was told I should have left it active)
I mean at 90 she obviously doesn't have that much time left.
And I don't think we're getting the whole story here, as there are always 2 sides(well actually 3)and we're only hearing yours.
She obviously had her reasons to "run away"(which I can't help but grin when I type that, as the visual of a 90 year old woman running away is something I'd never heard about before)and unless she has some form of dementia(which you don't mention)I would just wait until you hear from her and take it from there.
I'm guessing you weren't home when mom made her escape,(again grinning) but do you at least know the friends she went with? Hopefully they have good intentions for and with her and that your mom is having a great time.
If not, wait until you hear from HER that she needs help in some way, then go to her side.
It must be a terrible feeling to have your mom run off like this. But if she's THAT unhappy, and providing she's not suffering from dementia and unable to decipher right from wrong/good from bad, etc., then you may just have to accept that she's chosen another lifestyle and leave her to it.
Best of luck!
Hoping to have the strength at 95 to run away from home again.
I am surprised your Mom was living with you in a beautiful home in the country but you didn't know any of her friends?
Fascinating story. Hope you will keep us updated.
Tell her to be certain to see the Art Institute. Especially the following painting:
https://www.artic.edu/artworks/111656/pardon-in-brittany
It is likely my third favorite painting in the entire world.