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Two weeks ago I was awakened at 1:00a.m by two white police officers. Who were waving their flashlights in my face. Naturally I was startled and asked the officers what was going on? At which they responded that my mother had called. And reported that I was harassing her. And that I was physically preventing her from cleaning her house at 1:00 a.m. Which was and is totally untrue and unfounded. For several weeks my mom has been on the cusp of an emotional/mental breakdown. That is compounded by her physical decline. She prior to this incident was hustled out of $1200 by men. Who she entrusted to do some home repairs. Of course I tried to advise her against it. But she went through with it and now the house is more messed up than it was before. And the men she hired refuse to return to finish the job they started. But anyway ever since my mother has been increasingly agitated, unbalanced and just blaming and shaming me for all her misgivings. Now this wasn't the first time my mother has called the cops on me. But in the past I was able to explain to the officers that mom has severe mental issues and health problems. And I have a letter from her physician stating that I am in fact her sole caregiver. And in the past this was all the proof I needed to prove that mom is unstable. But the officers during this recent incident wanted to take me to jail. And said the next time mom calls the cops that I will be arrested. For years I have been trying to get help for my mom. I asked the family for help. I've asked her doctors for help. And yet still mom continues to fall through the cracks. And yes I admit that I was traumatized by this recent incident. Given I was exposed. I wasn't fully clothed. And every time I tried to pull the covers up. The officers would put their hands on their gun holsters and wave their flashlights in my face. And even after I told them repeatedly that my mother isn't mentally stable and just the sickening nature of her claims was so farfetched. I couldn't believe that the officers didn't process or assess the situation. I was stunned and afraid by their response. And yes I feared for my safety. Given the fact that my mother has expressed verbally several times that wishes ill will upon me. And that she wants me too suffer and hurt. So I need help as to what I should or shouldn't do the next time mom calls the cops on me? For I haven't committed any crime. My only crime is helping my mother and tolerating decades of abuse from her. Whatever help, advice and/or suggestions this community can give me will surely be valued and appreciated. I need to protect myself. And of course it is clearly evident that I should leave immediately. But I'm also trying to gather resources and figure out the most effective next move. That will ensure I'll never be placed in a situation like this ever again. But in the meantime I need practical help as to what I should do so I can be better prepared when my mom does call the cops on me again. Given everyday she threatens to call the police. And especially now that she feels she can use the law to her advantage or as a pawn to manipulate the board. I have at this point nowhere else to turn to for help. And any advice is better than going to jail or being harmed by the police for nothing.

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Since you cant move out anytime soon my only advice is to buy some comfortable sleeping attire so the next time to police show up you are not exposed.
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KaylaJade, your Profile appears to show a question you asked as ‘Anonymous233619’ in July 2014 saying that mother ‘wouldn’t let me leave’ . It finished “I can't wait for her to die. I can't take anymore of this. I am a prisoner due to her threats and don't have ANY support! HELP!”.

It’s hard to believe that 7 years later you haven’t resolved this. In fact this post has been described to me as VERY hard to believe.
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KaylaJade May 2021
Hello Ms. Margaret, yes as many in this community of caregivers know there are in many cases in which many situations does not get resolved for whatever reason. But ma'am your comment(s) is/are not completely accurate. Given first and foremost I never created a profile. Anonymous or otherwise. I post my comments, thoughts and opinions from time to time. And surely just as many through this platform I vent. But thats the extent of it. And secondly if for whatever reason you find my post to be "VERY " hard to believe. All I can say ma'am is so do I. I lived this way day in and day out for years. And I am sick to my stomach that I for so long allowed this to happen to me. I'm hurt and to be honest I'm ashamed. But ma'am I have no reason to lie or to bring forth this post without truly needing help. And in the beginning this online community was all that I had. And now I'm starting to realize that I was never alone. And lastly Ms. Margaret, I need not to explain myself nor my reasons to anyone but GOD ALMIGHTY. And just as you and countless of others has/have taking advantage of this online portal. To ask questions, to vent or just to simply associate. Well so have I. And I asked an honest question. Based solely on an honest and truthful experience. And for what its worth I thank you for your honest reply.
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It does sound from your note that you understand that you will need to leave this situation. Your mother is apparently not diagnosed as having dementia and you are not her guardian or POA. I would leave even if this means moving into a woman's shelter until you can get your feet under you and get a job, then rent your own place.
I am assuming your Mom isn't suffering from dementia, of course. If she is then you would need to report to adult protective services that you are leaving in order to preserve your own physical and mental health and that she is an elder in need, that they may wish to visit her for wellness check.
Were I you I would not attempt guardianship or POA but would leave your Mom in the protection of the state; they can find placement for her if that is required. Once that is done, however, do know that your own opinion about placement, her assets, etc. will be out of both your hands.
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Leave.

My DH's mom only had to say once that she was going to call cops/APS and report him for elder abuse because he told her to stop smoking (she hsd COPD).

Don't stick around in these situations. Someone else (either a sibling with a better relationship or the state) needs to take over.
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You say nothing, say my lawyer advised me not to talk to you.

I am white but my white cop is named Detective Sean. I do not lock door, christ he has walked in when I have been asleep or showering, he says worried because I do not answer the door. 7 days on 7 days off, small township. I had moved and it doesnt stop since 2016.

Now, I just screw with him. Offered him financial advice since he filed bankruptcy and sued a city (mostly black) pd for racism because he did not get a promotion. I have told him FU on more than one occasion and had military friends over asking him to join a discussion about why cops are not real men. Saturday, I had a beer while he whined about his Hispanic wife's kids hating him, I totally understand that.

When he leaves, he always says do you want that lie detector and my response is always, did you not talk to my attorney.
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Call the local police department and make sure they have the information that your mom is compromised, and provide them with a copy of the paperwork that you have. this works for many on this site. And then get her other family to help., as you have been asking them to do. How did the " two white police officers " get into your house, without you hearing? This sounds so much like so many recent news stories..
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So two 'white' police officers came into your house at 1 am, woke you up from your sleep where you weren't fully dressed, waved flashlights in your face while touching their weapons, preventing you from covering up your exposed body, threatening to arrest you next time your mother calls them? And all this was based on a demented elder's claim that you were preventing her from cleaning her home at 1 am? And you have a doctor's letter stating that you are your mother's sole caregiver to boot. No wonder you were frightened.

Given that you are traumatized and fearful for your safety from both the police and your mother, I'd say get out of your mother's home immediately, even if that means you have to go stay in a shelter. If it were me and I was in such a situation where I was afraid of going to jail for no good reason or being harmed by police officers, I'd get out of the situation entirely, call APS on your mother and have THEM decide if she's safe living alone. If not, they'll see to it that she's placed somewhere where she IS safe. Let them listen to her farfetched stories and you can move on with your life and stop being a caregiver to someone who is wishing ill will upon you and wants you to suffer and hurt. Why would you stick around such a scenario and wait to get arrested or threatened again by the police? The answer to your dilemma seems quite obvious to me.

Hope it all works out for you, best of luck.
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