What therapeutic fib can I use to get my 88 yr old father with Alzheimer's and inadequate field of vision through the door into Memory Care?

I saw your comment about not getting a response to your question in another thread, so here I am... I see a few responses. You will have to be creative and if possible enlist the help of staff at the facility. You know him best and might know better what kind of fib would work.

Two of us have POAs, but not guardianship. Our mother's plans, at one time, included moving to AL when she felt it was time. Once dementia kicks in, forget that!

Your father has more medical issues, but you might be able to use those to your advantage. Even though the drive is long, explain it's a new facility the docs opened for XYZ testing and treatment. Have it all set on the other side so that they can take him in and perhaps have an anti-anxiety med (they used Lorazepam for mom) for the initial stay (perhaps one dose before you head out.) They only used the lowest dose and it was enough to take the "edge" off, but NOT dope her up. The goal was just to keep her calm (we had to resort to this again with her first UTI there - she was out of control with sun-downing!)

Perhaps they could set up a meal for you both, like a restaurant. Say you both need to eat before the appointment. Then when done, you excuse yourself to use the Ladies Room and they take it from there.

My suggestion for mom was also house related - brother had installed a Nest thermo, which he could monitor and adjust. I told him to mess with it - make it cold, then hot, etc and when she complains, come over, tinker downstairs and announce that the system needs to be replaced**, she'll have to stay elsewhere. He didn't do any of that. There was no plan in place by brothers other than to take her. She refused help in the home and absolutely refused to consider moving anywhere. EC atty told us we couldn't force her and would need guardianship. Facility would NOT take a committal. Staff said just get her here, we'll take care of everything. They have experience with this, so they may be of help to you as well.

So, just prior to the move, mom injured her leg and developed cellulitis. I had handled everything to get this done, but told bros I wouldn't participate in the move (figured she would blame me!) OB had to take her to ER when he arrived and YB wrote a phony letter from the hospital "Elder Services" that said she either moves where we choose or they will place her. She was mad as a wet hen, but went with them. I stayed away, as suggested by staff, for 2 weeks. She NEVER asked me to take her home, but hounded YB any time he visited! She did pack up some stuff, which is still wrapped up in a little cubby, but it's been 4.5 years now. She doesn't ask anymore that I know of.

Again, you know your father, his schedules, his needs, use something from all that to facilitate the move. With short term memory loss, you might have to keep reminding him you are going to X for whatever. Also, as they told me, do try to stay away for a few weeks, until he gets into a routine. Even then you may still get the begging, demanding, whining to go home - you just have to tune it out and try changing his focus onto something he likes (mom's go to is the choc covered ice cream bars!) Distractions, if they work, are great. Engage with staff and let them know when you plan to leave so they can distract him for you. Hopefully you find something that works for you and him. Try not to feel too much guilt.

**How ironic that some months after the move, while at the condo cleaning, clearing, etc, I found the heating system HAD died!

I thought the main problem was physically getting him there. Of course he is going to want to leave (I doubt that there is anybody living there that doesn't), but it will be up to you and staff to deny him that possibility. If he has the mental capacity and resources to leave without your help then he probably doesn't belong there, but that also means that you have no obligation to care for him either, he and his co-conspirators would be competent to deal without your help.

I read of someone who said the house had to be tented for termites so they had to move out temporarily....

I would speak to the facility and ask if they have a clue, because I honestly cannot imagine, with some patients I had in the past, how they could be loaded into the car on any excuse, not for a drive that could take 40 minutes. Are there any outings you normally go on with him? Such as shopping? Could you suggest you are going off shopping and then say "Dad, there's a stop I have to make first to check on (give a name). It's a nice ride, but will take a few minutes."
I don't know your Dad so I cannot guess at the response once you are THERE. Will you call for attendants to come get him in the car. Will he understand at all what you are doing?
My heart breaks for what you face. I hope you will update us. I cannot imagine doing this any other way but an ambulance and that would cost an arm and leg and likely all the rest of the body. But that said about the ambulance, is there in your area any other type of medical transport that might do this?

Hmm... well my cousin told his mom that she was going to a really nice rehab facility. We heard that she didn't speak to him for two months, but eventually.... Would he accept that he is going to a facility for respite care? I know that my uncle started packing his bags to go home the very next day, so it's not unusual I guess.I watched the PBS documentary about Alzheimer's and I remember the lady who told her son, every time, that she wanted to go home. I know it's hard. My thoughts are with you. I'm looking after dad at home and it is getting VERY hard.