My mom is 67. She has had 3 strokes since October of 2022. Within the last few months, her behavior has suffered greatly. She has child-like temper tantrums, bad mood swings. Everything will be fine one minute then it's like a light switch comes on and her mood turns to conflict and attempts to start arguments, She is starting to become more and more aggressive. What can I do to handle those types of situations better?
You didn't cause it, You can't fix it. There is no miracle surgery Mom can have. It's a horrible situation to have happen and even harder to try to deal with it. It's going to eventually become more than you can handle. Especially without professional medical experience and lots of money.
Mom is only 67, and can easily end up living another 20 years. You obviously love her to take her in and take care of her. Yet for your own good, you should consider placing her in a facility where she can have a team caring for her, not just you.
At 70, I have been through more tragedy and loss than you can imagine. I'd hate to see a kind-hearted person get their best years taken away. You will never have the Mom you had back again. I currently deal will the same thing, tantrums and worse. After spending 2 years helping someone from totally failing and ending up destitute, it is devastating to deal with the results from the brain injury.
PLEASE do not sacrifice the prime of your life, dealing with her brain injury trauma, unless Mom truly deserves it and has earned it. I can tell you it will get worse. You will become hated as a caregiver. You will experience stress like no other.
Whatever you do, I wish you luck and strength.
The sad thing is that the best way to get clear cut answers about how to proceed is to have the best workup in the world by a world-class neuro psyc consultant. And sadder still is that likely he will tell you he is only guessing.
You have mentioned the strokes so we can start at that most likely cause. You mom likely has some severe brain changes due to vascular insufficiency to certain areas of her brain. There may be areas that are completely changed, and dependent on location of her stroke there will be changes in her mentation.
In the saddest way I have just found out that fully 25% of bipolar folks are diagnosed after age 50. I had no idea. Many of them seem to have more vascular changes in the brain than the average age onset 14-25 for this disorder. They are not understanding fully this connection at this point. I was shocked to hear of this fact.
The problem really is that none of this is likely to change, medications are likely to be required, and they have unpleasant side effects of causing poor balance, more falls and etc. You need a good medical team, and that is seeming more and more rare these days.
You also, Chef, have to recognize your mom is very young. Your life is going to be severely impacted if you attempt to give care. I have a rather unpleasant way of comparing this to children throwing their lives on the burning funeral pyres of their parents. Please begin to think of taking care of YOU, of having YOUR life, of not sacrificing your one and only go-round in life. We are only human, not Saints, and Sainthood is a hecka bad job discription.
I wish you the best of luck.
So really my only suggestion would be to educate yourself more about the devastating effects of stroke, and understand that your mom can no longer control these outbursts and to not take them personally.
And perhaps you may benefit from a stroke support group where you can share with others that are going through similar things.
Your mom needs to be seen by a psychiatrist.
Strokes damage many parts of the brain, including those that deal with emotional regulation.
Does she have a neurologist who has been following her since the stroke? That doctor may also be a good source of advice about what medications might be useful.
Google "Teepa Snow". She was some wonderful videos on managing dementia patients that you might find useful.