I take care of a 97-year-old who has been very independent most of her life. She’s getting weaker but she still does not want someone to take care of her. Her other alternative would be a nursing home though. How can I feel motivated for my work when I get no affirmation? I constantly feel guilty because she does not want to pay me and it makes me feel like I don’t deserve the money that I am receiving from my work, and that my work is not good enough. Has anyone else dealt with this before? What did you do to make yourself feel worthwhile?
Years ago I was a receptionist at a law firm. Whether the firm was busy or not, I was a paid the same hourly wage. Sometimes I was bored and surfed the internet, which kept me occupied. I was still paid the same hourly rate. Other times, the phone rang off the hook and people came through the front door by the droves. I was still paid the same hourly wage.
Compare my job at that law firm to your job with this woman. Sometimes you'll be helping her shower and cleaning up a foul mess in her bathroom, while other times you'll be sitting there talking to her or listening to her talk. In either situation, you are paid the same salary and you've EARNED the same salary.
Wrap your head around the meaning of the service you're providing, and how much STRESS it's causing you, and then put a price on THAT! Try to explain to me then how you don't 'deserve' the money you're being paid, and I'll tell you that you deserve a RAISE!
With my dad we had a similar sitiuation to what you are experiencing - he thought if the carer wasn't actively working every single minute that it wasn't worth it when the real value was just having someone with him in the house and on call even if they were watching television. It was a dilemma we never successfully solved. (you can only sweep the kitchen floor just so many times each day.)
Maybe you can talk with the daughter/family to let them know of your concerns and perceptions of the situation. I think you have a good understanding of both sides of this issue and may be able to work out some small "white lies" to cover the situation.
And just to clarify, you are a high school student trying to provide 24 hour care? What do your parents think of this? Why is your education not their first priority?
This is a very concerning situation.
The real question should be, ‘Do you wish to stay in this situation?’
If you were not around, what would she do?
Caregiving isn’t free! Maybe she should be in a nursing home. How much care does she require?
I don’t think there is anything that can be done to change the situation you are in now.
If you aren’t happy, consider looking for other employment. Reliable caregivers are in great demand!
Best of luck to you.
I don't know your relationship, nor whether this elder lives with you or you live with her, but you should move on with your own life in your own home whatever the circumstances are.
You would likely not be paid enough for 24/7 care to make this recompense in any way enough to sustain your own life in ANY case.
Your giving relationship, POA info, and living circumstances might help with this question.
I wish you the best.