For about a month we have a new caregiver come in who checks all the boxes, she’s reliable, has her own car and drives mom safely to errands/appointments, she is not constantly on her phone, she tidies up/vacuums/dusts without any complaints, AND she encourages mom to do her physical therapy stretches, offers to do activities like coloring books or cards etc. She is really an ok lady and my mom doesn’t give a real reason for wanting to fire her, other than I don’t like her. I don’t know what to do, it is so hard to find someone who checks all these boxes, especially being reliable and not texting all day.
Today Mom was going to tell her not to come and I actually got very upset discussing why bc she doesn’t give an answer or an example and doesn’t even want to give this a lady a chance to improve etc.
After she asked I have looked for a new caregiver but the ones I’m finding do not have the availability etc. I really want to make it work with mom and this lady, please help!
Getting old isn't fun, as so much independence is lost. No wonder some of our elders are so grumpy. Talk with the current caregiver and ask what recommendations would she have regarding this situation. If she had experience with other elders, she can relate, and will know what to do.
Whatever you do, try to keep this caregiver on board.
Looking for a new caregiver isn't going to help. Your Mom will say the same thing about the new caregiver. And whatever you do, don't you become Mom's full-time caregiver, which is probably what she really wants. If Mom is worried about the cost, just use a "therapeutic fib" saying that social security pays for it.
With my own elderly mother she swings from hating people one day to thinking they are great the next - for instance someone who helps her is SO good one day, and always poking their nose in the next. I have learnt to ignore her views of people because they are actually usually views of how she feels on a particular day not anything logical. I think it important to check out if there is anything logical and after that if you are happy you have found someone good, simply tell them to turn up every day and ignore anything she says about firing them, and tell Mum its this care or a NH. Only you can do the detective work to find out if there is really a reason, or just Mum feeling a lack of control and disliking being told what to do re PT etc.
It’s hard enough caring for a elderly parent without worrying about how her behavior reflects on someone’s opinion of you.
If all the required tasks are being done and done well, then it might just be mom. If you start replacing caretakers when current one is doing a good job, it will become a regular hiring and firing process. It's possible your mom really doesn't want someone there with her and will just continue to throw up roadblocks.
I doubt you're going to find too many people who check all the boxes that the current one does. Don't get caught up in a revolving door.
My husband and I went outside to meet the agency rep and prospective caregiver...and sure enough...
We had a quick conversation with them about my mom's lack of filter and her inappropriate comments from time to time. They laughed and said they were used to that.
We proceeded with the interview and when they left, my mom said she liked that young lady.