What to do when wife no longer recognizes husband?

It’s interesting that people may not necessarily know who people are but they do know that they are cared for.

My mom was in a skilled nursing home for rehab and I would visit just about everyday.

It was a smaller nursing home and residents with dementia knew that I was the lady that brought ice cream to my mom and anyone else who wanted some. They didn’t know my name but they knew that I had treats to offer them.

It’s awful for family members to feel like strangers to those that they are visiting. We can only take comfort in knowing that we are there to check in on them and hopefully making there day a little brighter.

My godmother with Alzheimer’s disease didn’t have a clue as to who I was whenever I would visit her at her nursing home. It’s sad because we have so many memories of them and wish that they could remember too.

As heartbreaking as it is, we must accept things as they are.

For the last 6 years of my Husbands life I do not think he "knew" I was his wife.
I think he "knew" I was a safe person for him
I think he "knew" I cared for him
I think he "knew" I was always there when he needed me.
Earlier on when we were at the store he would follow people and he would say to me when I asked where he was going.."I'm looking for my wife" later on when he no longer talked he would just follow people.
I say all that but....
When I would tell him that I was leaving to go to the store he would look at me, smile and give me a kiss good bye. And caregivers told me that when he heard the garage door open when I was getting back he would make more "excited" noises. (My Husband was at that point non verbal and made lots of noises)

So she may not "know" you but if she is relaxed in your presence and trusts you to do things for her be grateful for that. And maybe somewhere in her mind there is a little spark that knows who you are.
If it reaches a point where she is frightened of you, does not trust you then you must rely on others to care for her. The important thing is YOU still know HER.

I feel for your situation. I suppose it's akin to a mother not recognizing her daughter. The first time is certainly a shockwave of raw grief. In my case I transitioned from daughter to just another caregiver. Then began taking care of business, making sure she is being taken care of.

There is nothing you can do. You can try to trigger some memories by taking in a photo album. Just very occ. patients will remember themselves as a child. Rarely, however, will anything help. This is common, the lack of recognition whether it be wife or children. It is common for patients in MC to form attachments to other "girlfriends" or "boyfriends", to believe another is their love, or their spouse. Often people with dementia can "confabulate" and sort of act as though they know someone when they don't, because there remains something telling them they "should know" or "might know" the person. They will then sort of greet without a name, such as a happy "Well, HI, it is so GOOD to SEE you again" when really they don't know who they are talking to.
As the wonderful neuroscientist and author, Oliver Sacks observed, their world is a full world; it is simply a "different world" than ours is.

There is nothing to do, accept it and move forward. It is the nature of the disease.