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My 91 yr old mom has her own bathroom with sitting area plus everything she needs at her fingertips. Pull ups, huge body, hand and bathroom cleaning wipes totally set up bath with hand held shower, safety bars and chair etc. She spends hours cleaning up after herself. Twice this week she had diarrhea. Last night, Christmas, It seems that she took off the pull ups, used 3 rolls of toilet paper to clean herself and put the dirty pair of sweatpants back on adding a pair of jeans. Problem: she forgot to put on another diaper. We all had dinner and she said she was going to her bathroom. While we were clearing, she snuck into our bath sat on the top of the commode, covered with poop, picked up the seat continued, then stood up pants at ankles to wash her hands all the while leaving diarrhea on floor, tub sides, everywhere. We were yet to discover this. She never said a word or asked for help until after she messed up her bathroom too, Her bedroom chair, mattress, body, shoes, rugs, were also covered as she pulled everything up with filthy hands before she washed them. I check, ask and missed this one because I forgot which pants she left in sweats or jeans. After cleaning for over an hour with hubby’s help, he blew when he was getting ready for bed and saw our bathroom was the same way. God, help us. I’ve, we’ve totally had it.

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So, I work as a Front Desk Receptionist in a Memory Care community which houses about 56 residents with varying degrees of dementia & Alzheimers, etc. One day, I was going to clock in and saw a resident pulling out an upholstered chair from the wall; I asked if I could help her? She said no, I went on my way. When I came back down the hall again, she was sitting on the upholstered chair, pants down around her ankles, taking a poop! She thought it was the toilet. I called a care giver right away who came by, cleaned her up, cleaned up the chair, the surrounding mess, and changed the woman's clothing.

This is why Memory Care charges the fees they do..............it's worth every penny. And then some.

Start the search today. Your lives are worth it.

All the best!
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My dad had the same problem and he had some very big emergencies while we'd be out doing errands. While it didn't take the issue completely away, Immodium helped him. Don't administer it before you get an OK from the doctor. Maybe it will help.

My dad always told me that he cleaned his own bathroom. I know he had cleaning supplies under the sink so I never went in there. I could hear him cleaning at times. It was a tiny bathroom that you could barely turn around in. I don't know what occasioned me to look in there one day but I did (my dad wasn't home, he was still active at that time). I flipped on the light and saw an unbelievable sight (queue the "Psycho" shower theme song). It was everywhere, even in the tub. How does that happen?? I got it all cleaned up by the time my dad returned home. I told him he has a sparkling, clean bathroom. He was delighted and thanked me profusely. And as I'm writing this it's occurring to me that maybe he did know his bathroom was toxic and he was embarrassed to ask me to clean it. I can't believe this is just now hitting me.

Sorry....anyway.....try the Immodium after speaking to the doctor. Some elderly folks make a mess of their bathroom while trying to do for themselves. They don't understand that it creates more work for us, the caregivers.
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"God, help us. I’ve, we’ve totally had it."

Sounds like it's time to look into some sort of placement (Memory Care?). It's only going to get worse. What are your mother's finances? Are you an only child? If not, where are your siblings in the picture? Do you have POA and HCPOA? Will she be eligible for Medicaid?
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She obviously needs to be supervised in the bathroom, always.
She didn't ask for help because she couldn't see the problem - you might think that would be impossible given the amount of mess involved but that part of the brain that sees, recognizes and takes responsibility is broken. (I wonder if she moved on to your bathroom because she saw the mess in the other one without recognizing she created it).
Is this the proverbial straw for you? Personal care such as toileting and bathing are beyond the line for many caregivers, especially when there is fecal incontinence.
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Cooper, this is only the beginning of the journey down Cognitive Decline Road. Grandma1954 is correct is suggesting you start to look into Memory Care placement. I know that the amount of in-home care would exceed the cost of Memory Care eventually (and even if you don't use an agency, private caregivers are a lot of administrative work and responsibility, invasion of your privacy, etc).

But for the immediate time being, if your mom has diarrhea you may want to take her in to get checked. Imodium is a temporary help until she can get an appointment. Has your mom ever been diagnosed formally by a doctor with cognitive impairment? Or has she been checked for a UTI? A UTI in the elderly can caused a change in behavior and confusion, but clears up with antibiotics.

Most importantly, has your mom created a durable PoA so that you can make important decisions on her behalf? Medical Directive? Living Will? Also make sure she signs a Medical Information Release form at the doctor's office naming you as her representative (if you don't have PoA) so they can legally share info with you. Please let us know if you have PoA for her as this will determine your next steps to help her and improve the situation.
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Cooper19 Dec 2019
Yes I do have POA, advance directives and living will. She was living with my sister until last January when she had a stroke and sister passed 3 days later of a blood clot. Before stroke her MRI was clear but she appeared to go in and out of MCI and was independent and driving until late 2016. Although she has been tested for everything under the sun and does see doctors monthly, prior to the stroke she had been diagnosed with depression. After admission she was diagnosed with A FIB and eventually LBD. Her MRI now showed several TIAs 6 months prior to stroke. She has had hypertension since age 64. It has been 2 years now and and with ongoing therapy and memory care at home she is declining. Her neurologist’s said her behavior would calm down in about a year after the stoke. But that has yet to happen and is declining. The strange thing about LBD is for week’s she is almost borderline catatonic staring into space then throwing clothes everywhere, basically just sleeping and eating everything in sight. Then she rallies and she seems like herself again. Each day she loses a skill. First she forgot how to write her name, then it was numbers and then the simplest of instructions and now total bladder and bowel function. Every day I take her to memory camp for 5 hours and then I spend that time stocking her supplies. I have had help at times but they show up late or not at all. Her money is running out. As with most who have saved for retirement she has about a years worth of monies for a facility. We live in NY and were packed and leaving the state. One more month and we would have been gone. I hate to think where she would have ended up. We were never close and I only saw her at holidays. She was at my house for the New Year and stroked 1/2/18. Our lives have been hell navigating the system as there seems to be little to no real resources on Long Island.
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Your mom needs more supervision in the bathroom. And more supervision in general.
I would also be careful of the cleaning wipes as they will end up being flushed and will eventually clog the toilet.
I would also limit the toilet paper and for her use switch to a single play paper so that it is less likely to clog the toilet, or sink.
And it sounds like you might have to look into a Memory Care facility for mom. This will only get worse.
In the mean time is it possible for you to close and lock your bedroom and bathroom doors. Only so you KNOW you have a space that you don't have to worry about.
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