I hated to do this, but after 7 months of trying to improve my father's living conditions, he got nasty with us and pushed us away completely. I made contact with APS yesterday, and my nerves are shot with worry about what could happen next.
My question is, that if a worker sees his living conditions (no running water, broken windows, animal infestations, filth) will they be able to get him the help ne needs knowing full well he will resist at every given opportunity?
I also suggest since Dad is so hard to deal with that you allow APS to take control, in other words, let the State take over guardianship. They can get him placed a lot easier than you will. Do not let them tell you there is help, there isn't. Not what you will need. And it does not happen overnight. The only thing, you will have no say invwhere he is placed or how he is cared for.
Update us on what happens.
As hard as this is, you did the very best thing that could be done.
You can not live safely in the conditions you describe.
It sounds like dad has lost his executive function and his ability to navigate this old world.
He will probably be mad as a wet hen, let the authorities be the bad guys. You make sounds of understanding and tsk, tsk, tsk, what a shame but, don't tell him you were involved in this. This should allow you to be his advocate and ally while the state intervenes.
Best of luck, this is so hard. You are actually blessed that he has no water, that is the only utility that throws things into immediate action.
We had an older man in our area that decided after his wife died to live as he did as a child: no electricity or public water. He went back to oil lamps, wood burning stove and the well with a garden and compost pile that his neighbors objected to. They tried everything they could think of, including repeated calls to APS, to get him out of his house but it was a no go. He knew what he was doing and just because you wouldn't want to live that way anymore (except for a week vacation camping in a national forest) doesn't make it illegal or him crazy (legally).
Please remember approximately 30-35% of elders will develop dementia; that means 65-70% do NOT develop dementia. Making what you consider "bad" decisions is not considered a sign of dementia.
PS: sometimes I think too many of you haven't had the experience of a large extended family and all the characters you get to know when you do. Or the neighbors to march to their own drum. In 1998 my 82 year old neighbor was living in a house that had a 40amp service - just enough for lights, a few outlets, an electric stove, and the controls for her oil heating stove. She had a water line to her kitchen sink and a ringer washer with an outlet pipe that ran out to a buried 55 gallon drum. There was an outhouse behind the house. When her SIL supposedly took her to buy groceries and in fact delivered her to a nursing home, I helped her niece get her out and back in her home where she lived just fine for a couple more years. When I was young and she was a widow in her 60s, my job everytime it snowed or she was ill was to clear her walk, bring in the paper & mail, pump and carry drinking water in (she preferred to drink well water), take ashes out and firewood in, and empty her slop jars in the outhouse. She was uneducated, having quit school in the 3rd grade to help care for her sick mother and younger children. She was also one of the smartest women I would ever know, excelling in every home making task from elaborate croquet designs to gardening. You need to know a few people with a different life (and different opportunities) and respect their life choices instead of condemning them for not making the same choices you have.
In your profile, it says he's 62 with dementia, etc. I'm sorry about that. I hate to see people have early onset dementia. It's bad enough when they're older but in their 60s is even sadder.
Is your father mental competent to decide how he is living? Do you have POA? Do you WANT to have POA knowing full well ALL it entails? If APS suggests temporary emergency guardianship and assessment of Dad whether he agrees to it or NOT, are you on board with that.
I think basically you have seen a danger and you have reported Dad. Now it is one step at a time. Hope you will update as you go. I am sorry you are going through this.
It probably varies by area, but the rep was very assumptive, making decisions which I challenged b/c they clearly weren't appropriate (NO ONE chooses medical pros on my behalf!). She did back off.
But be on your guard and HELP guide them to making the right decisions. Giving them full rein is unwise.
I do think though that you took the right action in getting help for your father. I think the issue with the APS I experienced lies more with the particular agency, its staff and inability to relate to anyone above 30 or so.
If my 'friend' had chosen to live this way ALONE, I probably would never have called on her. But she has custody of 3 grandkids and they are practically feral. Sleeping on the piles of dirty laundry? Rat & mouse infestation? No clean surfaces? No, I cannot in good conscience look away from that.
Calling APS and CPS was a waste of time. Unbelievably, one SW told me she'd 'seen worse'.
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