My Grandma hates my Dad with a passion. However, it has not always been this way. Years and years ago, they got along sensationally and had a great son in law and mother in law relationship. In the past, he helped her around her house, drove her to the doctor when she could not get there, and was helpful to her in general. Their interactions were great.
Their relationship nowadays has been beyond terrible. It has been this way for a very, very long time. She says he is knocking on her door and running away to get a charge out of her. She wholeheartedly believes this. This is not even possible when he leaves for work at 3:45 am, and she always hears it hours later. She cannot stand him at all. This rift was all her doing, as she created these issues with him in her mind. He never did a single thing to her in order to cause their relationship to fail.
Listen to this. My Aunt was here not that long ago, simply visiting us. She and my Dad were out on the deck talking. If you are in the kitchen, you can see so clearly the whole deck. All she had to hear was my Aunt say that my Dad is “alright.” Guess what this means?
She says that my Dad and my Aunt were screwing on the deck! I told her “why would they do that? Why would they hurt the person they both love dearly?” (My Mamma being the person in question)
She had no answer, only telling me “they will find a way to screw.”
She refuses to hear otherwise. It would satisfy her greatly if I said to her “They were having sex alright!” But she is never going to get that, because that would never ever happen in a zillion years!
She says it so matter of factly, and does not think to herself how strange that is coming out of her mouth. No explaining will convince her otherwise, and if you try, she perceives it as arguing. If you are not on her side with this, you are the crazy one for not believing that they “screwed.”
It’s hard for your grandmother and hard for all of you too.
I don’t think that I would correct her when she makes these outrageous comments because they obviously stem from her dementia.
Your mom has the best idea by telling you to walk away when she says hurtful things.
So sorry that you are a witness to her delusions. It’s heartbreaking to see people lose their faculties. I have not had much experience with dementia other than in my godmother.
I would visit my godmother in the nursing home. She would argue with family and staff at her nursing home. In the end she no longer recognized us. It’s terribly sad.
If your g'ma could only recognize and appreciate the care she's getting from you. At 22 your amazing. But don't overdo your caring of her. You have your own life to live.
"Time is the coin of your life. You spend it. Do not allow others to spend it for you".- Carl Sandburg
Read up about dementia & Alzheimer's so you can understand what you're likely to be facing in the future with her behavior. If she gets way out of hand and highly agitated with her behavior, her doctor can likely prescribe a medication to calm her down. In the meantime, just realize the old grandma has left the scene and the new one is somebody you're still getting to know. I think the best thing you can do is change the subject when she gets ranting, and offer her a snack or to go for a walk. She's likely to be quite easily distracted, which is a good thing and a godsend!!!
Wishing you the best of luck trying to accept the whole mess.
You're not going to change your grandmother's way of thinking. Either ignore what she says without engaging or if that is too infuriating for you, walk away when she starts.
You are so right about this. Once she is set on her ways of thinking, it is impossible to change them. I do not find it infuriating, rather so silly that she could conjure something like this up and not think about how strange it is. Telling her that they would be hurting my Mom deeply by doing such a thing means nothing, because if my Dad and Aunt found a way to have sex, that is what counts to her.
This is family she is speaking about! Unbelievable how she can say this without giving it a second thought!