I'm a 28-year-old woman with cerebral palsy, caring for my 76-year-old father with prostate cancer, PTSD, & dementia. I'm from New Jersey. I'm getting help from the VA (he's a Vietnam Vet) for medical stuff, but I'm in tears every day & I have no other family. (The family I do have is estranged/drug addicts.)
I have a cleaning service that's come to clean out the house (dad's a hoarder) so that feels like a step in the right direction, but everything feels so stagnant & hopeless & I have my own things... I've been selectively mute my whole life and this past year I've done more talking than I've ever done before. I'm exhausted. I just want to be left alone for a while. This feels incredibly unfair, as I spent my childhood looking after my mother, and now my father. When can I possibly live properly? When I'm 50? When my CP & arthritis is too bad for me to do the things I could be doing now?
All of my own wants & needs are on a backburner that is the size of dozens of football fields. I don't trust him alone. Nursing home is not an option right now.
Most of my older family members have lived to 112 and they were smokers besides so I don't have a whole lot of hope.
My father went to visit my sister in Colorado last year & he came back to me worse than ever. I've been his CG ever since. He's angry, narcissistic, unreasonable, paranoid, picky, and no one understands that he's *always* been like this, but the dementia is not helping. My sister has washed her hands of our situation claiming "there's nothing I can do from here."
I just need to talk to people who understand. I'm running around like a crazy person, trying to balance everything & find a way to grab at pieces of happiness, but I've thought of suicide this year so many times.