It just seems like I got my life back without caring for my mom and the world came crashing down around me.
Sometimes when I am really thrown for a loop I retreat to be alone with my thoughts. Not sure if that is good or bad but it’s who I am when life gets extra tough.
I feel so vulnerable at this time. I am disappointed in myself that I am not stronger than I am. I am trying to be as strong as I can in front of my sweet husband. He has always been my rock and I truly want to be that for him.
I am always amazed at the strength that I have seen from some of you and I have total compassion for those who struggle with life’s issues regarding health of those we care for.
God knows that I did not handle the stress of being a caregiver to my mom as well as I would have liked to and I relied on this forum for guidance. All of you helped tremendously and I know that you are extremely caring people.
I decided to try to speak about the issues that are of concern to me with this forum because I have received a lot of comfort in the past from the lovely people on this site.
I saw the lovely private messages from many of you and I truly appreciate all of them. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, especially for the good wishes and prayers.
My husband has been diagnosed with cancer. Please say prayers for him. My daughters are naturally upset about their dad. They are both ‘daddy’s girls’ just like I was with my father.
My daughter found a place to live in Colorado and we will miss her greatly but we don’t want her to change her plans because of our recent situation with my husband’s health. She will be leaving soon.
We are pleased with my husband’s doctor and even though the doctor has said his cancer is aggressive he is hopeful.
I fully realize the advances in the treatment of cancer, it is still scary to hear the word cancer. He will start treatment soon, as soon as possible and he and his doctor decide on the best plan of action.
A while back I applied for and accepted a job offer and worked for a short while but when the situation worsened with Covid they downsized and of course being recently hired I was in the group that lost employment.
It’s for the best that I am no longer working because shortly afterwards my husband was informed about his cancer.
We are doing our best to stay positive for a good outcome during this time. I am not sure how much I will be online. It all depends on what is going on, especially with my emotions and I don’t always express myself well when I am flustered.
I gave everything that I had inside me to care for my mom and in spite of the difficulties I loved her tremendously and still do. She is hanging on. God bless her. I honestly wish that God would take her home so that she could be reunited with my dad. None of us really know when it is our time to leave this world.
Mom is now with hospice. I speak to her occasionally but the relationship is strained. The most is important thing is that she is being cared for. That brings me peace regarding my feelings about the situation.
It is very different being concerned about a spouse rather than a parent. Isn’t it? My husband is the love of my life and always has been. I am so very grateful to have him in my life. I honestly cannot imagine life without him. I suppose somewhere deep down inside me I always wanted to die before him because I never wanted to say goodbye to him. Has anyone else felt that way too?
I have rambled on for too long. Forgive me. I think that is why I couldn’t share my feelings with the group and I stayed away because I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to focus clearly on how I felt. It’s hard.
My husband is very private and has asked me not to speak family about his cancer because of the difficulties that occurred. I understand this and respect his wishes.
Sending my love to each and every one of you and I hope that all of you are doing as well as you can.
I missed all of you very much.
Also, I heard a hurricane is heading your way. Stay safe.
We are ready for all of it to be over! He has to wait until the end of the month to finish prep work before doing the radiation. That was the earliest appointment available.
He has a couple more procedures before they start his treatments. He elected not to do surgery.
The good news is that the MRI showed that it has not spread. So even though it is aggressive it will be easier to treat. We are very hopeful!
So after gold markers are placed in his body, they will be able to precisely target the radiation. It’s a newer procedure that is done robotically.
Oh yeah, Delta is going to land somewhere. These things can change course but as of now we are not in the direct path. We will get dumped on with rain, most likely some flooding in certain areas, wind damage. I want Hurricane season to end.
I appreciate it. I have a good husband. I love him so much. I’ve had a bit of trouble sleeping. I guess that’s normal. We are hopeful but I still feel some anxiety.