I moved out of state to care for my parent with Alzheimer's. I've been here nearly a year, to the detriment of my own family and my mental health. My LO is paranoid, angry, convinced by my sibling that I am out to get all of our parents' money/stuff. That couldn't be further from the truth. I am the one who discovered the sibling moved all the income to his own name and wants things from the house as "gifts" so these things don't count against his inheritance. He has turned the parent against me, and no amount of documentation or reasoning works. I am POA and guardian. There is a restraining order against the sibling (which LO doesn't comprehend) which the courts here will not enforce. It is violated weekly.
I'm not looking for appreciation, I just want to stop being falsely blamed for everything. I'm thinking assisted living NOW, even though LO can still do yard work, laundry, make a breakfast and lunch. LO falls weekly and cannot live alone. I had hoped to delay assisted living until more pronounced cognitive decline. I asked the internist to tell me when it is time, and he said, "Whenever you feel you need to go home." I'm not a martyr-just trying to do the right thing. I get lots of encouragement from this group. Please give me the rational for your answers, and thanks in advance.
If you have POA and you have proof your brother has transferred assets to his name then this is theft and a discussion with local police may be the only answer - it will certainly make him justify his actions.
If you are separated from your family to look after the LO who is being abused by your brother's behaviour (financially or otherwise) then you need to think of your family and your LO and the time for Assisted Living is now - your own state would seem to be more suitable for visits and assistance from you.
There are various reasons for assisted living and inappropriate behaviour by your brother when you should be living out of state seems to be one. Your LO will have company and be safe and if necessary the facility will enforce the restraining order if they have the details.
get your parent into an environment where he/she is cared for,
secure his/her finances from predation,
do what you need to for your own health and the health of your family.
If you needed somebody to give you permission, you have it. You have the POA. Use it. This is why you were given the POA and not your sibling.
also, does he have a trust or just a will? If your brother is taking things for free that violates a trust!
Sorry, that won't happen. Dementia is cruel to everyone involved. As long as you are involved, you will be blamed.
I asked the internist to tell me when it is time, and he said, "Whenever you feel you need to go home."
I believe you answered your own question right there. It is time NOW.
Remember, YOU are the most valuable resource your LO has. You must take care of it. I know it feels selfish (many others on this site felt the same way-welcome to the club), but you must begin to make yourself a priority. The disease is taking over his/her life. I know how much you want to just do the right thing. The right thing is getting him/her some help so you can rest and spend your energy managing his/her care.
As one of my mentors in this journey told me-Once they get a thought in their head, there isn't much you can do about it. You must protect yourself.
I/we on this board know how weird it feels to have to protect yourself from a parent, spouse or other LO. Yes, it is totally out of character for them and for you. But you must do it.
My bottom line is: Don't kill yourself keeping them alive.
Good luck!
There is always the possibility in Assisted Living that they can just leave. In some cases all it takes is for them to sign out or they can just walk out a rear door.
If you can no longer SAFELY care for your loved one. And I mean safe for YOU and safe for THEM it is time.