When is the right time to put a loved one in a nursing home? We tried everything to help this man out.

This is where filling out a profile helps with knowing the situation without having to refer to other posts. In previous post, OP mentions dementia.

IMO, yes he needs NH care. With Dementia he is in his own little world. He is like a child. He does not understand what you want of him. Get his PCP to evaluate and write an order that he now needs 24/7 care. If he has money, spend it down by placing him on private pay and apply for Medicaid before it runs out. If his income is just SS and maybe a pension, then you can apply for Medicaid. There's more involved, just giving u the basics.

As stated below, he needs an evaluation and then placement. The placement will depend on the results of the evaluation. Please contact his doctor regarding a thorough assessment. You are wise to realize you are burnt out and that it is time for a change. Please look after yourself. Meanwhile getting some help in may ease things for you.

As already stated, nursing home placement would require a doctor's order. I don't think a NH would fit. You haven't mentioned any physical or cognitive decline, just refusal to do anything. He needs an evaluation by his PCP and maybe a referral to a specialist after that. Only then can you decide where the best place for him would be. Right now, it sounds like an ALF would work. They would do all the "maintenance" work your LO refuses to do for himself.

I'm not sure you have a full understanding of dementia. LOs appear to be "capable" physically but mentally they are in decline. They mentally can't do it. His medical PoA should take him to the doctor and get a cognitive test. Then everyone would know how to truly help him. If every one is orbiting around him in his home because he can't do things, he's not independent and needs to be in a care community. Also, he may have a UTI, symptoms of which can cause mental confusion and behavior changes. This is helped with antibiotics. His doctor should also test him so that this can be discounted as a cause for his lack of participation. Most of all, no one should be paying for his care. It is too expensive and will never end, becoming increasingly more expensive over time. Hopefully his financial PoA has a grasp of his assets, to know if he'll need to apply for Medicaid in order to go into Memory Care (not sure AL is enough for him but doc and NH admin can make assessment). In the meantime, like others here have suggested, there are resources you can contact for interim help. On YouTube you can find Teepa Snow videos that give great insight into understanding dementia. I wish you all the best as you get him settled and cared for!

You cannot just decide that you will place him in a nursing home, you need a doctor's order. Start with the Area Agency on Aging for an assessment of him and the level of care needed.

https://www.agingcare.com/topics/21/area-agency-on-aging

Hi Sadiemae!

Did you not find the answers to your last question helpful? It really sounds like your entire family is getting burned out caring for your grandfather.

To be placed in a nursing home, your grandpa will need a doctor to certify that he needs skilled nursing care. Does he have a regular doctor that your family can consult?

In New York, the Office for the Aging was very helpful. They had a social worker who came out to the house and evaluated the patient to see what level of care they needed. In that county, they also offered one hour a week of caregiving to the family for free.

For us, they suggested an Adult Day care and arranged the transportation. The cost was on a sliding scale and because this wasn't a wealthy family, it didn't cost the family much at all- I think it was $20 a day.

But if your family wants your grandfather placed somewhere, I think the first step is to get a medical person to tell you what level of care he needs. This will tell you what facility he is qualified to be placed in.

I think the Office on Aging is a good place to start.