When making other people is miserable is considered “fun”. Any solutions to dealing with this?
When my grandmother (my mom’s mom) got past 80 she loved to make people miserable. She would deliberately do and say things to make you mad, reduce you to tears and she loved to fight. She had a mean streak and she had no problem saying horrible things to your face. If you didn’t take the bait and remained calm and collected she would continue her tirade and keep it up. She loved to make people cry, and she would laugh at your tears. Now that my mom is in her 80’s she is doing the same exact thing. My grandmother and mother both tested negative for dementia / Alzhemier’s. I have adopted the “cool and aloof” technique with my mother. I refuse to let her get to me, and when I can tell she’s escalating this I just respond with a pat answer. I can tell that this frustrates and angers her. I have seen her make people mad enough that they turn red and burst into tears over simple trivial things. My mom will smile with glee over this. Anyone else experience this? I refuse to play this game. Anyone else have solutions other than just remaining “cool and aloof”?
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We have all seen mentally disturbed people during our lives.
Avoid these people like the plague if possible. If you have to maintain contact then remain silent or nod and say yes so they have nothing to argue about!
So sorry that you are dealing with this difficult situation.
Best wishes to you.
Sadly, that does not happen as much as we'd like.
Both my mom and MIL can be the meanest people I've ever known. It's almost unbelievable to me the things they will say or do.
Can I change this? Absolutely not. Can I make it better? Nope. Because THEY don't care and hurting people--whether it's on purpose or just they way they talk to you--doesn't matter to them.
I do not speak to my MIL at all and will never speak to her again.
I am usually 'grey rock' with my mother. I only go to her place when YB (with whom she lives) is not doing well and HE needs help. I just facilitated a Spring Cleaning for her, I did not participate--and so her 2 favorite kids did this time's cleaning. I was behind it, but not present.
I don't feel like talking to her, so I don't. Luckily for me, she can't use her phone and also cannot remember my phone number, so staying incommunicado is easy.
People who do not have Narcs in their lives think that not having a relationship with your own mother is wrong--but they need to walk in our shoes....I'm NEVER verbal or confrontational with either woman. I just walk away and stay away.
Hating them is pointless. And getting into a 'fight' with them is just lowering myself to their standards.
As to others, they are on their own until they learn to do gray rock also. You can suggest it to them. Make copies from the link below and pass them out.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201911/the-price-and-payoff-gray-rock-strategy
Cool and aloof is often called going grey rock, if you do a search of this term you will find lots of advice. The next step is to go no contact, which is often the only way the children of such people can keep their sanity.