My mother is 92 years old. She is in a home now and most likely will not be coming home. Her husband (not my father) is also 92 years old and is totally blind. He is still living in "HER" home. Once my mother dies, then then he is allowed to stay in the home for 6 months so he can make plans to go to the VA home. He has said all along that when the time comes that he cannot take care of himself, he will then go into this home. Here is my problem. My mother and step-dad have been married for about 25 years. I am certain my step-dad married my mother for her money, and also he would have someone to take care of him. All of the signs have been there that he didn't marry her for love. Anyway, all of their married life, he has had these really young, and yes I will say undesirable women that he gives money to on a regualr basis....like every week!! What I mean by undesirable, these are young women who are on drugs, have been in prison, can get and hold a job, etc, etc. They apparently always come to him for money. Several times my mother has confronted him about this behavior and told him that this better stop!!! Has it..... NO! My step-dads secretary called me yesterday and told me how upsetting this is that he still is giving these women money, and they come and pick him up and he takes them to lunch on a weekly basis. She says that it is very disrespectful towards my mother.....who, by the way is letting my step-dad live scott free in the home. My mother also thinks that my step-dad is taking care of her home, keeping it up......I was visiting my mother, and he was there and she asked him if he is making sure the weeds are taken care of and any repairs to the home are being made. He said "oh yes," My mouth dropped when he said that. He isn't doing a darn thing to that home other than having the lawn mowed....and that is it. Do I tell my mother about how he is still giving money to these women, and how the home is not being cared for??? I'm on the fence about this and don't know what to do. My mother would not divorce him, but she just might kick him out of the house. I don't know. What would you do?
Seems like this man has been blind for over half his life, as such he should have been taught to live in a sight world.
Her Mom and Step-Dad have a hoarding issue. https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-is-going-into-assisted-living-and-i-have-a-question-when-can-i-start-to-get-rid-of-excess-items-438640.htm
I agree with everyone else; no purpose would come of reminding your mother of behavior which she's tolerated for years, despite recriminations against the philanderer/perpetrator. And at 92, she has enough to worry about with her own health w/o complicating the situation.
I'd focus more on getting legal counsel, asking your mother to appoint a proxy and solidify it through a DPOA, unless you think she'd appoint him instead of you. Ask an attorney to help you find ways to preserve her assets so he doesn't bankrupt her in her old age. If you're able to be appointed, you can consider taking charge of her finances and undercut his wanton spending on a more effective level.
1. true
2. necessary
3. kind
So what you want to tell your mother is 1 check, 3 uncheck. What about 2, is it necessary?
To decide that, does your mother *need* to know, you have to think through the consequences of telling her or of not telling her.
If you don't tell her, the situation will continue. Will that cause any harm to your mother? Or - let's make no bones about it - could it impact negatively on you, or on anyone else your mother might care about?
If you do tell her, you know she will be upset. But will she want AND be able to do anything that will stop HER money vanishing into the pockets of these questionable young ladies? - which is what the problem boils down to.
Unless you're pretty sure of what you're aiming for and how to get it, I should shut up.
Of course, you could also tell your stepfather he's making himself look a bloody old fool.
A fool (your mother) and her money has been parting.
A fool (step dad) and his money has been parting, too.
Fools (the druggies) and their monies have been parting, as well.
Is any of the money yours, or will be yours? If no, then, drop it. Don't trouble your mind with fools' behavior.
Your mother has been living with her choice for more than 2 decades. If it really, truly bothered her, she would have divorced him. She’s a grown woman and able to make her own decisions. She’s old enough to know what’s cooking and she could have taken the pot off the stove at any time and thrown the meal in the trash.