Today, I seem to have some stomach virus thing. Nauseous, gurgly stomach, diarrhea, headache, no appetite etc... But Mom still needs her meds, ostomy care, cath care and meals. I'm out of gloves..
Life is sucking today. Anyway, what does everyone do when you are the only caregiver and get sick?
I had been advised to try contacting Hospice. When I called I was told the social worker would not be back until Monday and they took my information. Today I found a website for the local organizations, it included a request for info and contact section. I gave my info and a personal letter explaining my situation. Within two minutes of submitting my phone rang!
A very nice lady took a little more information and is sending someone to our home in the morning to see how they can help! I'm not yet sure if this is the answer, but what a relief to have someone listen and offer to help! I am praying we can work something out and get my father cared for and I can move on to surgery. So strange to be looking forward to, and have to fight for, back surgery :)
I will be back to update further, thank you all again! I wish I had found this community earlier and wish the best to all of you and your loved ones!
What a great idea "care giver needs a break club"
Oh and I can't end it without a Mom story.... One day I wasn't feeling too good and Mom was watching a Tv show peacefully (beginning stages dementia like impossible to keep up with her energy level at this time) so I laid next to her on the couch (she was always a sweet Mommy when I was sick before dementia) and I said "let's take it easy today I am not feeling well" She says " I don't care!!!" I thought that would work..OH BOY, what was I thinking LOL!!! So a few minutes go by as I was just getting paler by the second and moaning She say " AWW you don't look well are you OK? Can I get you anything???" I was like WOW Mom is back!!! ? I gotta milk this one... that's when I realizes when I was telling her in a way she was the one sick it wasn't OK because she needed me... she was more comfortable when I needed her!!!
Now, after fighting through two months of severe back back I am facing emergency surgery for a severely ruptured disc. Problem is I can't leave him alone to go to the hospital for a couple of days. This could be worked out to some degree, but I can't come home and begin taking care of him again immediately. I need 3-4 weeks of rest and recovery time.
I've spent the last three weeks bedridden making phone calls trying to set up a respite stay for him in a facility. While there he could also receive rehab he desperately needs. Outside of paying $2000-$3000 per week out of pocket I can find no options. That sum of money is impossible. I was told to get him in the hospital for a three day stay, even Medicare recommended this, and then transferred to a nursing/rehab facility. Unfortunately his family doctor felt there was no acute reason to admit him to the hospital and instead handed me a brochure for self paid assisted living, even though he agreed my father needed the rehab as he is weakening under my care with my back limitations.
I am lost and facing canceling my own surgery, though I do not know how I will continue on like this. I have only been able to get to my doctor regarding surgery and his doctor hoping to arrange the hospital admit. Otherwise, I am basically helpless. Useless to my father and myself.
He requires too much care for in home services and I need to come home to a quiet house to rest and recover before bringing him home.
It is shocking to find that there is no help out there for situations such as these. A simple few weeks respite stay. I have spoken to every agency and case worker possible and even they are at a loss. As am I.
Do you have any relatives in the area, even a second cousin once removed? Has a neighbor said "If there is anything I can do, please call?" Do you belong to a church or civic organization that has an emergency aid committee? When I've been less ill than the episode I've described, I've called upon neighbors to please bring in some soup or takeout that my husband likes.
It's a problem, for sure.
3:35am. A fight on the street just woke me up, so I went online to vent with you guys. I've also been sick with a stomach virus, but a couple of my co-workers have this attitude as if "How dare I get sick?" Then another one, coughing and sniffling all over the place, smuggly lectured me about "taking better care of myself to keep from getting sick." What they don't seem to understand is that some of these illnesses sneak up on you, especially when you've been feeling run down; which makes them even harder to get rid of. A doctor might give you something like Imodium, but stomach viruses need to run their course. You've heard of it before: "Treat it, it last 7 days; leave it alone, it lasts a week." Same concept.
Whomever you're taking care of, let the person know you're not a 100%. Who knows? S/he might give you some tips to feel much better. Until then, slow down a bit, drink plenty of fluids to flush it all out, and pick on something (food) throughout the day so you can replenish that energy.
Here's a hug. ...
-- Ed
Best to you on your caregiving journey.