My dear mom has Alzheimer’s disease and is in middle stages of the disease. I was her sole caregiver until my father kicked me out (he is a narcissist). He has legal guardianship along with my sister —my sis knows nothing about mom and doesn’t really care, but both my sis and father have common enemy which is me. He always says he is the husband and only him is the decision maker, but there are times when my mom is sick and they won’t do anything about it until it’s too late. I want to call APS (I live in VA) and report that he is not fit to be the primary legal guardian and the person making decisions for mom. Many CNAs left because of him and my sister. Would APS cause any damage? I don’t want them to take my mom to nursing home, I just don’t want him to be the primary legal guardian and I want him to know that the gov/county is watching just so he won’t think he can make all bad decisions for mom based on his ego. Will they protect my identity? I’m torn between calling APS or just leaving it to God. He instructed the current CNAs to not talk to me when I call to ask about mom.
Your father is the legal guardian of your mother as her next of kin.
Your father is making the decisions and has a CNA for her.
He also can make the decision to put your mother in care when her care is too difficult for him. He apparently ALSO has the support of your sister.
If both your father and your sister do not trust you, then I wonder what their story is about the reason for that. We have only YOUR side of the story here and you do not bother even to inform us what awful claims they make about you that are untrue.
Yes, my advice if you evey hope to see your mom again is to leave this be.
APS usually does not tell who the reporting person is.
However, APS will want to know what your EVIDENCE of neglect is. What evidence do you have of neglect?
A guardianship fight for your mother would cost over 10,000 and you would lose.
I would, if I were you, do all I could to support your mother, your father and your sister in their care decisions for your mother.