Someone was telling me that in CT there is a law that allows the caregiver to stay in the house of their parent after their death. My father asked me to take care of my mom when he was on his death bed over five years ago. I left my apartment and teaching career in California and spent a small fortune relocating and fast when my brother who was caring for my mom for a little bit with his wife deserted her. I am single and have no equity except a small retirement fund. I was a single mom. I have four siblings who it turns out expect me to start anew again when my mother passes so they can sell her property and split it among them each of us getting an equal share. I am being paid 2K (out of my mothers funds) a month for 24/7 hour care and my room and board is covered but there are no retirement benefits or SS and no transition plan even though I've asked for these things over and over. They come off as intelligent but seem to be all congratulating themselves for using me in this position so they will save money and not have to go with assisted living. I have a stomach ache now much like I had as a kid with an abusive older brother on my neck and a mother who treats me rather poorly while she spoils the others and her adult grandchildren expecting fat gifts at Christmas and birthdays but don't ever come by to help either. So many family dynamics which I ran away from at the age of 14 are still here. I was found and came home finally escaping at age 17 and put myself through college et al but I had reasons to run away as it seems I do now. It's all making me sick. I lost 20 pounds in 6 months, have shingles and feel like my mother is in competition with me over who dies first.
A child that has suffered any abuse from a parent, or anyone for that matter, should not take care of that person. You need to get yourself out of that situation. If you taught in Cal then u have a Master's, correct? Then you are more than qualified to find another teaching job. You may just want to return to Cal. If not find out the criteria in the state you would like to live concerning teaching in that state. You can substitute. I know former teachers who do well this way. (I know a little hard with COVID) You could private tutor.
That "law" you r referring to is when using Medicaid in a NH to pay for the persons care. Lets say you had cared for Mom for over 2 years and her house has now become your main residence. Mom now needs care in a NH and needs to go on Medicaid. Since you were Moms caregiver and you prove that you can afford to pay bills, taxes and upkeep, Medicaid may allow you to reside in the house. (Just giving the basics here, there is more involved) But as far as I know, there is no State law that would protect you. Probably Medicaid could not protect you if the POA wanted to sell the house to pay for a persons care or after their death, sell the house, which at that time Medicaid gets paid back.
So if this Caregiving is effecting you to the point you have lost weight and ur health is being effected, then you need to back out of this arrangement. Hopefully, you can go back to Cal and live with a child or friend until you can get back on your feet.
Who has PoA for your mother? If it's you or a combination of siblings, then these people must now make a plan to transition your mom's care. Facility care is expensive and if your mom has only humble financial means, the PoA must apply for Medicaid for her. There is a chance the cost of her care will require a lien on her house, so inheriting the house free and clear may not be a thing, FYI to those siblings who are anticipating it. If the financial PoA decides to sell the house, it must be sold for fair market value or your mom may not be able to qualify for Medicaid. The PoA should really at this point consult with an elder law attorney/estate planner who is familiar with Medicaid. There are missteps that will cause delay or disqualification, like what may appear to be the "gifting" of money from her to anyone.
If no one has PoA for your mom and she is well into her ALZ then either the family pursues guardianship of her or the county can/will get guardianship. If the county gets it then all her medical and financial affairs are controlled by the county and there is no access or transparency anymore. Unless your mom has substantial assets and savings, there won't be much, if anything, left to inherit.
I wish you blessings in your future and peace in your heart as you reclaim your life.
Do you realize that you can give notice and leave?
There is a severe teacher shortage right now. Reactivate your license, call the local school district in Connecticut and go back to a real job.
You are being used and abused. Take the reins of your life and don't look back.