My Father is in a nursing home and can still think for himself, however they are allowing my stepmother to invoke power of attorney and prevent him from going to lunch with me even though he clearly wants to go. I am flabbergasted that the law clearly states POA does not go into effect until a person is incapacitated, yet no one stops to think about that and follow the direction of the law. In the end he is the one that suffers when his relationship with me and his ability to go somewhere and enjoy his life after covid is being cut off. Any advice or direction would be greatly appreciated.
Call his doctor and the nursing home and ask if someone has deemed your father to be incompetent. They probably can't tell you thanks to HIPPA rules, but you can point out that if that paperwork doesn't exist, then the POA is not valid, and that's a problem for them.
There HAS to be more medically going on with him.
Have you spoken to the social worker at the facility? Can s/he possibly act as a go between?
Is it possible that your step-mother fears that you will take your dad to a lawyer to try to get his POA or will changed?
If that is the case, he is free to say when he would like to go out to eat. If, however, you father is incapacitated mentally or physically, his POA can decide if they feel it is in his best interest to leave the facility.
You step Mom is the Lioness at the Gate. I would try to get along with her so that you don't get locked out of being able to contribute to your Dad.
How do you know that 2 doctors have not stated that dad is no longer able to determine what is in his best interests?