This is my second caregiving role. First was in 99 when my father contracted ALS. Thankfully, The Lord took him quick (Feb 2000). Then I was working a job part time and school full time.
Today, I find myself taking care of my mom, she suffered a bilateral stroke (both halves of the brain). I find myself once again a default care taker. But now, while I don't have a job, my health is much worse today. I have several health problems (diabetes, sight, low hemoglobin, dialysis). But since I'm the only member of the family she hasn't turned on, it all falls on me. When I get done with dialysis (MWF 6:30-11am), I find out what mom needs from the grocery, what appontments she needs to go to. And some light cleaning (she fired her home health care and a cleaning lady I set her up with). I can't do it all. My sister lives 600 miles away, so she's no help. Whatever I suggest to make her live easier, my mom just out of hand rejects.
I'm 48, might die at any time, I'm lonely, I'm mega depressed and hopeless about the future.
I'm burned out.
Am I being selfish to try to take time for myself?
Someone needs to be looking after you..it should not be the other way around. I agree.. siblings being 600 miles away is no excuse. This burden needs to be immediately lifted off of you.. !!
Seems like when you start caregiving you disappear... this is happening to me as well even though I don't have the health issues you do (yet anyway). Everyone asks how my parents are.. never how I am. I am disappearing in all this... and you are too.
Sounds like you have to choose yourself right now.. there is no choice in all this.
((Hugs))
I would sent a certified letter to the same effect to mom's doctor.
My Mom also refused caregivers or someone to come in to clean. I think part of it was due to money, they didn't want to hand over one thin dime as they thought I could do the work for free. Yeah right, when? During my lunch hour from work?
Do you live with Mom or does Mom live with you? What happens is that the child/adult dynamics takes over, where Mom is once again the adult and you are the child. Oops. There is never a good ending when that happens.
I know it is hard to stand up to a parent. What ever I said to my own folks fell on deaf ears. In their eyes I was still that young healthy person instead of me being a senior citizen with my own age decline.