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At this point, it does sound like self-preservation. Mom has alot of nerve asking for you back when she's the one that threw you under the bus. You can remind her that she told APS she didn't need a caregiver so she's on her own. It seems they don't want you anywhere near until they need something.
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Twillie Apr 2022
They didn’t think this through. They assumed the scapegoat would come groveling back trying to get mother’s love. Well I’ve already had that last conversation with her when she told me she knew was dying and it was void of emotion even as I cried on her lap.
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APS does absolutely nothing! They ask the patient if everything is okay & if the patient tells them yes…….end of story!

They told me “pretend your mom I’d dead & move on with your life”. What a useless agency.

I ended up contacting Alliance for better long term care in my state and they were so helpful and followed up with me all the time.
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Twillie Apr 2022
Thank you for this tip. Even the Ombudsman is worthless. No response.
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TW, your MOM keeps throwing you under the bus.

Step away from this train wreck.
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Twillie May 2022
I didn’t step away. I hired a lawyer to petition for guardianship and ask for a court appointed conservator AFTER finding the assisted living let brother and his wife sign an invalid POA (mom was dx with dementia in 2015). I had to get a PI to find service address - THEY ARE ELUSIVE. I’m not at all sure about going through with this. Today she accused me of stealing her pillow (that my brother gave her). He has inflamed her.
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Hire a elderly law attorney,,, or walk away …
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Twillie Apr 2022
Elder law attorney is not interested in family disputes. Not enough money involved.
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I am truly sorry for this terrible predicament, but you can imagine that as a Forum we are getting your side in this story, and not hearing from your Mom, APS, the care facility, your other family members. Because this is so complicated I cannot imagine even beginning to form any opinion about what has happened here.
Were I you I would not be taking ANY part now in Mom's care. Either the brother, who you claims absconded with all the money, or the State would have to assume care. I would be willing to visit. That is all.
You are currently making accusations against a family (your own), an elder at risk (your Mom), State Authorities (APS), and care facilities, and you are telling us that you and you alone are not responsible for anything at all. While certainly ALL THAT YOU TELL US may be the absolute truth, it isn't something for us to investigate or KNOW the truth of.
We can certainly give you our sympathy and I know every one of us does. But there is nothing we can do in this situation.
I wish you the best and wish your Mom the best as well. I hope others have advice for you that will/might be of some use to you. I am so sorry for all of this chaos. I would maintain the distance you created when you say that you "stepped back".
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Twillie Apr 2022
I don’t want your sympathy. If it is not humiliating enough to express on a public forum I I don’t care what else you need as proof.
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Are you sure? Who told you this?

Have you been served with a restraining order?
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Twillie Apr 2022
No. I was told by the director of AL.
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