Since my parents have passed everything has been like crazy around here. My siblings, constant calls, wanting to “help “, them badgering me to get the paperwork ready for the lawyer for probate. Them trying to be here when they weren’t here whenever my parents were sick and dying. Its sickening to say the least. I’ve seen them more since my parents have passed than I have in my entire life it seems like, and always with an entitled thinking that makes me want to scream. My son who is high functioning autistic has been getting bullied in school to the point where I believe I’m about to pull him out and move away from the town that I’ve lived in my whole life. He tells me he just cannot take it anymore. it’s crazy because I know that people live their lives and then they die. It’s a natural progression, but I feel like I failed my parents somehow because they died and it only last for a few hours that feeling a failure, but it gets me every time. After I drop my son off at school I come home and I open the door and every time I expect to hear my mom and my dad talking and it’s never there. I’ve grieved a little, but not as much as I probably should because on top of all the bullying at school for my son, my siblings haven’t stopped with their wants they started calling the attorney and bugging him. The one time me, and my siblings all got together it was a knock down, screaming match between three of them. And I just stood back and I watched. My mom and dad would of been appalled with their behavior. I’ve made it to where if they want to discuss anything they do have to go to the lawyer because I don’t have the energy nor do. I really care about fighting with them over material things that they think they’re entitled to, it breaks my heart that it’s like this. when my dad was alive before the dementia became too bad he used to always want us to do a family portrait and to get along. his one last wish in life was for all of us to get along, and we can’t even do that , my mom she warned me on how some of them would probably act and she was right but I really wish she was still here. I wish both of them was still here. It’s crazy to think that I could make big decisions “life/death decisions “for them and not question myself but some thing is little as what to eat for my son and I….I question my self over and over and over. Grief sucks
People don’t talk about this, but we should. Media are full
of happy smiling moms and dads savoring their last years with a sweet and helpful caregiver or adult child looking on. They don’t show the full adult diapers that must be changed or that dad hasn’t been able to string a complete sentence together for two years. They never highlight mom’s frequent falls or the bruises on her legs.
Accept that it was a lost battle from the beginning. Internalize it. Don’t chastise yourself for not doing enough. They were lucky to have you to help, and now it’s time to move on as best you can.
I wish you comfort and peace.