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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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My mother is verbally abusive even though I do everything I can to help her out. I’m the only one in our family who takes care of her. It’s never enough. Why do I put up with her? Why is she like this? I get so sick of this.
I'm in the same exact situation as you. My mother is verbally abusive, instigates fights, devalues me to no end, and has absolutely no respect whatsoever for me on any level. I am the only one who does anything for her and knows that she can treat me any way she wants because I'm trapped in this situation. Give it right back to her and then some. This is what I started doing, and let me tell you the situation around here has improved greatly. Give it a try. If it's possible, put her in the appropriate care facility to meet her needs and be done with it.
You have also asked a similar question today, asking "Why do I put up with her?" I answered your other question, and to this one I will say she is like this, because you allow her to. If you were to walk away when she gets abusive or tell her that you won't tolerate it anymore, and won't do for her if she continues, perhaps things would change. In your profile you say that your mother has Alzheimer's/dementia, but I am guessing she has been this way all her life, and as long as you continue to put up with it, it will never change. Like I said in your other post, perhaps it's time to be looking into placing your mother in a memory care facility, so you can get on with living your life and she can take out her abuse on someone else. You deserve better, and until you realize that, things will remain the same.
That's a good question. Why do you put up with her? Do you feel you "owe" her something or are responsible for her in some way? Well guess what? Your mother is not your responsibility. Perhaps it's time to be looking into placing her in memory care, so you can get your life back, and she can take out her abuse on someone else, as there has to come a time when you say enough is enough. My hope is that you'll have the strength and the courage to do just that.
Maybe it is time to look for Memory Care for mom. Not everyone can be a caregiver. Some are better at being a Care Manager or Advocate for a loved one. Caregiving can be a challenge and it is mentally, emotionally, physically exhausting. Add in the disposition of the person you care for. Some, like my Husband are easy to care for, others are violent, others just plain nasty. As a Caregiver the number one rule is CARE FOR YOURSELF and if you can't do that you are no good to the person you are trying to care for. It may be "easy" at first but unlike some other diseases dementia gets worse. There is no cure, there is no remission, there is no break. And you know it will only get worse. Unlike a child that grows up and needs less care this is a person that needs more care, you are living the final act in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. The only person that can answer your question.."Why do I put up with her?" is you. It is your choice to keep caring for her or place her where she will get 24/7 care in a safe place. This frees you to manage her care and be an advocate for her without the direct caregiving.
So sorry to hear this, it must be extremely difficult. Was your mother verbally abusive before her illness? If she has dementia, the behavior may be intensified by this.
There is no easy solution, but check with her care providers to see if depression, anxiety or other mood disorder can be ruled out/treated. It may be hard, but you have to preserve yourself. If other measures don't help, place her if you are able. My heart goes out to you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Give it right back to her and then some. This is what I started doing, and let me tell you the situation around here has improved greatly. Give it a try. If it's possible, put her in the appropriate care facility to meet her needs and be done with it.
I answered your other question, and to this one I will say she is like this, because you allow her to. If you were to walk away when she gets abusive or tell her that you won't tolerate it anymore, and won't do for her if she continues, perhaps things would change.
In your profile you say that your mother has Alzheimer's/dementia, but I am guessing she has been this way all her life, and as long as you continue to put up with it, it will never change.
Like I said in your other post, perhaps it's time to be looking into placing your mother in a memory care facility, so you can get on with living your life and she can take out her abuse on someone else.
You deserve better, and until you realize that, things will remain the same.
My hope is that you'll have the strength and the courage to do just that.
Not everyone can be a caregiver. Some are better at being a Care Manager or Advocate for a loved one.
Caregiving can be a challenge and it is mentally, emotionally, physically exhausting. Add in the disposition of the person you care for. Some, like my Husband are easy to care for, others are violent, others just plain nasty.
As a Caregiver the number one rule is CARE FOR YOURSELF and if you can't do that you are no good to the person you are trying to care for.
It may be "easy" at first but unlike some other diseases dementia gets worse. There is no cure, there is no remission, there is no break. And you know it will only get worse. Unlike a child that grows up and needs less care this is a person that needs more care, you are living the final act in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
The only person that can answer your question.."Why do I put up with her?" is you. It is your choice to keep caring for her or place her where she will get 24/7 care in a safe place. This frees you to manage her care and be an advocate for her without the direct caregiving.
There is no easy solution, but check with her care providers to see if depression, anxiety or other mood disorder can be ruled out/treated. It may be hard, but you have to preserve yourself. If other measures don't help, place her if you are able. My heart goes out to you.