Why do the caregivers always become isolated from others?

I agree with all the posts above. I find myself feeling isolated as well, I think caregiving shows you who is a true friend and who is not. I have one friend that didn't like that I only had a two hour window to get together because I couldn't leave my mom long so she just told me she would see me after my mom's gone. My other friend insisted we still get together every other week, even if for only two hours. She's a true friend. Same with family members, some have disappeared but my brother shows up every Saturday to give me relief time.

I think that some of the feelings of isolation are the result of our own choices, for example leaving a job can cut off a huge opportunity to connect with other people and talk about things outside of caregiving. And then there are the logistical difficulties of actually being available to BE a friend, even if you have outside caregivers they are usually there on weekdays during normal working hours - it makes it challenging to plan get-togethers with friends who are still working. And family, well that can be complicated even without caregiving in the mix, but it is unrealistic to expect that a sibling who might have previously visited mom once a month (or less) will suddenly start visiting more often.

Deniseec,

I think one reason caregivers become isolated is because the people we care for aren't typically social due to infirmity, dementia, or just age. In many cases it is a lot of trouble and upheaval to get our loved ones out of the house so if we don't have to we tend not to.

Another reason may be because caregiving takes everything out of us. We give everything we've got to our loved one that we don't have anything left over for ourselves much less others like friends and family.

These are reasons why caregivers may become isolated from others. As to why your family and friends have disappeared from your life with your mom I can't say. Have you tried to maintain regular contact with them? You don't mention your mom's health. Does she have dementia or another illness that may make visits from friends and family uncomfortable? Sometimes people forget about the elderly even if they are family.

I'm glad you are seeing a counselor and try to do things for yourself but is it enough?

We're here! :)

Isn't it *odd*? Why *do* they stop asking, or calling, or even dropping in occasionally?

I don't have any answers. But I can tell you that I know which of my friends neighbours and family are 24 carat gold, because they are the ones who did not fall away, who turned up with cake, flowers or gin even though it must have been like visiting the Witch of Endor with a migraine, who were *there* even though there wasn't much anyone could do to help.

No allies at the caregivers' groups?

How long have you been caring full-time for your mother?

I know you shouldn't have to make the first move, but if there is anyone you especially miss and want to talk to - pick up the phone and say so!