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Care causes decline and often death of spouse, destroys lives and savings of families and brings all kinds of depression exhaustion and indignities. We do not subject any other creatures to this. I would rather “pass” way before I needed this kind of “care.”
This is not compassion. I have never met a single person who says that is how he wants to spend his last years as a huge burden and not allowed to choose other ends. This is not compassionate and we never do this to other living creatures.

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If it isn't the end you'd want, the best thing to do is avoid all medical treatment for everything, because that's what's keeping us going long enough for our brains to rot away.

Back in the day, you'd have had a major medical crisis, linger for a month or so, then die. That happened as recently as the 1940s, but now there's a pill for everything.

My mother had pleural effusion in 2014 and had to have her chest cavity drained five times in just a few months. That put her into CHS, a-fib, and I believe it began her vascular dementia. She went in the hospital taking two medications and came out on eight.

That fistful of pills kept her going for another seven years, but to what end? Her quality of life went consistently downhill from that point on, as did that of my dad who cared for her. As it so often turns out, he died first, and I'm certain the stress of her care contributed to it. She went on to live another 2.5 years in a nursing home oblivious to those who loved her.

Two months before Mom died, my cat started having trouble breathing. I took her to the vet who said her chest cavity was full of fluid, and she was experiencing heart failure. The vet said she could drain the fluid and we could give her meds for her heart and LASIX, for crying out loud.

I said, "We've done all that to my mother, but I will not do it to my kitty," and we put her to sleep.

The irony of my mom and cat having the same issues, and my mom being forced to suffer is beyond belief.
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AlvaDeer Apr 2023
Well said.
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We need to advocate for physician-assisted peaceful death. It is avail in some countries and in some states in the US. But whenever the topic comes up, people start freaking out about how we shouldn’t kill old people.

It’s not about that. It’s about our right to choose when and how we want to die if we face a painful death. I wish peaceful death’s opponents could have spent an hour in either of my 90+ year old parents’ presence as they begged to die while experiencing horrific deaths. That might have changed their minds.
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NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2023
I agree.
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It is crazy, people with advanced dementia have their feet on the ground, but their knowing that is gone...forever.

People need the right to choose, cancer, dementia, heart disease with no cure, no future, only pain and depression what is the point?

The point is money and religious beliefs, they would prefer that someone lives in hell rather than let them go and be at peace.
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I couldn’t agree more. My father is in a nursing home with cognitive issues, afib, colon cancer, macular degeneration and his hearing is declining. He is in bed most of the time.

I hate seeing him like this and just wish he would finally die. And I am petrified that this could be what is in store for me.

He may be alive but this is not living.
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So, what's your answer? Euthanasia? Sorry, it's illegal in this country, though assisted suicide is legal in nine states and D.C.

My wife suffers from Lewy Body dementia -- has been going on five years. She fights the fight with grace every single day. And my role as husband (42 years) and caregiver will continue until God decides to take her -- or me.

I pray you will find peace in whatever lies ahead for you.
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AlvaDeer Apr 2023
Loving Husband. Exquisite. Just beautiful. My heart goes out to you for your love and understanding. You are a man among men.
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Dementia is certainly awful, but a lot of things, other than dementia can change people’s lives forever. It can be any number of medical issues that cause a person to no longer be independent.

It doesn’t even have to be a senior citizen. Look at how many people are parents to children that have severe special needs. I have seen amazing parents who were able to cope and I have seen parents who have fallen apart from the pressure.

How can anyone really know how they will react until they are in this situation themselves? It’s a touchy subject.

Stephen Hawking lived an extremely fulfilling life and had an incredible career. He married and had children. Divorced and fell in love again, ironically, with his caregiver.

So, it’s all about one’s perspective. We can’t make these blanket statements because they don’t apply to everyone.

If we absolutely know how we feel about these things, we can legally sign documents that say we don’t want our lives prolonged. Hopefully, we have advocates who will follow through with our wishes and so on.

If we don’t live in a state that allows us to have assisted suicide then we don’t have many options.
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Fawnby Apr 2023
We can go to one. There are sometimes stringent requirements, but it's possible to meet them. Or so I've read, anyway. There's also Dignitas in Switzerland.
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Why? Because in general we think things can be fixed. Efforts are made with disastrous results .

Each person with dementia is a unique puzzle with missing pieces that can not be solved . Families are not prepared for that .
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The problem with dementia and assisted suicide is, the afflicted person is not in a state to give informed consent. I suppose you could lay out your wishes in advance and impower your POA to make the call when it is time based on your specified parameters, but it is tricky. People do change their minds about what kind of life is worth living, and people can be swayed by greed or grief or despair.
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"Medical aid in dying is a safe and trusted medical practice in which a terminally ill, mentally capable adult with a prognosis of six months or less to live may request from his or her doctor a prescription for medication which they can choose to self-ingest to bring about a peaceful death."

The only thing the doctor does is give a competent person the medication. The patient takes the med on their own.

Only 11 States allow Medical aid, California, Colorado, District of Columbia, Hawaii, Montana, Maine, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington.

We don't let Dementia ruin families. Families ruin families. Family members who r causing dissension because they won't admit a problem. Don't want to be involved and leaving it up to one person to do all the work. Children not being able to let go and placing a parent. Siblings trying to save their inheritance but leaving it up to other siblings to do the work and then not acknowledging the work that sibling did. If families worked together instead of fighting each other, things could go more smoothly.

Dementia has always been here but because more people are living longer, you see it more. Modern medicine has caused the problem. Cholesterol and plaque in the artieries used to be called hardening of the arteries. My grandfather had this problem. He died at the age of 68 in 1966 from a stroke. Statins not indroduced till 1986. Statins have been proven to contribute to Dementia. As has hormone replacement therapy, both my Mom took. Alcohol, smoking, illegal drugs and the way we eat will cause problems with Dementia. Its been said the "baby boomer" generation will not live as long as our parents generation because of the processed and fast food we eat. We have a lot of obese people. We r an unhealthy country.
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It is so, so sad and such a dilemma. As TopsailJanet says, how does a dementia patient give legal consent to end their life?

The CEO of my company for some of the time I worked there (he was retired) ended his life by jumping from the balcony of his high-rise apartment. He had been diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. It was truly horrible, think of the police officers and EMTs that had to respond to that. He was a successful, intelligent, powerful person in his prime. But apparently he felt this was his only way out of an intolerable future.
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PeggySue2020 Apr 2023
A retired judge had just been moved to the al portion of the ccrc so works at. He knew the next step would be a locked ward in a whole different facility.

He took the elevator down to his basement area locker, retrieved his 357, and shot himself in the head.

Six weeks later, a resident with a similar fate launched himself from the roof.
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