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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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He goes off with family, we pay for everything he needs . He asks for $300 every wk. He gets so angry when he doesn't get it . To the point he cusses at me about it.
MJC, it's got to be some kind of obsession, needing the money to feel more control and safety. My dad did/does same thing. I would typically pay for everything if we were out, or certainly could have hit an ATM if he really needed something, but he would get upset if he didn't have access to as much cash money as he thought he needed. He never needed it. The money is just to feel some sense of independence and control, I think.
I remember on one trip where I was driving him to visit his mother's grave in a nearby state, he insisted (INSISTED) on withdrawing far more money than needed from local bank, and wanted the money in mostly $5 and $10 denominations. He put the big roll of money in his front shirt pocket. I told him he was advertising for a mugging and I think he moved some of the money in another pocket, but... you get the idea. It isn't a rational thing, so I wouldn't look for a rational answer to "why" if I were you, just try to figure out what will appease your dad. If dad doesn't actually keep track of the money, and just wants his $300 dispersement every week, can you secretly remove some of the stashed money and just give him back that much? "Recycle" his disbursements, if you will. He won't accumulate more than is safe but he'll get the feeling he needs of having "enough" money.
Is it that he wants $300 total in his wallet or is it $300 per week building up towards a grand per month?
Why is this a problem? My father, a 92 year old man, has carried money in his pocket since he started wearing long pants - around the depression era. Yes, we take care of him and anything he needs out of our own pockets, but this man spent his adult life taking care of his family. He was dirt poor growing up and when he finally started making good money at a government job, I think having cash on hand made him feel secure and successful...so when pop asks me to give him $40 out of his ATM when we've done his weekly grocery shopping - and I know that his wallet is already full & that money is just going to sit there - I give him the $40. It's his money. If he wants to set it on fire or pick his nose with it....oh well...not my business. He needs this "security blanket" to feel like the independent man he always was, now that he's dependent on me for so many things.
I suggest that if your dad is tucking $300 per week away EVERY week - you should talk to him about setting a monthly limit - maybe cite the possibility of him getting mugged - and then you can re-stock to $300 weekly if needed.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I remember on one trip where I was driving him to visit his mother's grave in a nearby state, he insisted (INSISTED) on withdrawing far more money than needed from local bank, and wanted the money in mostly $5 and $10 denominations. He put the big roll of money in his front shirt pocket. I told him he was advertising for a mugging and I think he moved some of the money in another pocket, but... you get the idea. It isn't a rational thing, so I wouldn't look for a rational answer to "why" if I were you, just try to figure out what will appease your dad. If dad doesn't actually keep track of the money, and just wants his $300 dispersement every week, can you secretly remove some of the stashed money and just give him back that much? "Recycle" his disbursements, if you will. He won't accumulate more than is safe but he'll get the feeling he needs of having "enough" money.
Why is this a problem? My father, a 92 year old man, has carried money in his pocket since he started wearing long pants - around the depression era. Yes, we take care of him and anything he needs out of our own pockets, but this man spent his adult life taking care of his family. He was dirt poor growing up and when he finally started making good money at a government job, I think having cash on hand made him feel secure and successful...so when pop asks me to give him $40 out of his ATM when we've done his weekly grocery shopping - and I know that his wallet is already full & that money is just going to sit there - I give him the $40. It's his money. If he wants to set it on fire or pick his nose with it....oh well...not my business. He needs this "security blanket" to feel like the independent man he always was, now that he's dependent on me for so many things.
I suggest that if your dad is tucking $300 per week away EVERY week - you should talk to him about setting a monthly limit - maybe cite the possibility of him getting mugged - and then you can re-stock to $300 weekly if needed.