Her dementia is advancing, but why this obsession with packing? She will start packing and never go to bed. She will get up in the night and pack.
We have strongly suggested that it's time to move in with a daughter, but the packing started before this.
We have been unable to distract or reassure her that she doesn't need to pack. Any thoughts?
A broken brain does not use or process “fact” as a healthy brain does.
””Why” she packs and reassurance that she need not pack are not relevant to her or her behavior. She packs because her broken brain is telling her she should.
If her daughter is able and willing to assume 24/7 responsibility for her, and understands that her condition and care needs will become more difficult and complex with time, and there will be a plan put in place to provide adequate respite time for Caregiver Daughter, and a SAFE living space can be provided for Mom, you MAY decide that you, as a family can give a new care arrangement a try,
If, after an adjustment period of a mutually agreed upon period of time, the plan does not meet the needs of caregiver and/or LO, a back up plan needs to be considered, with NO GUILT to ANY DECISION MAKING PARTY.
Mom’s constantly changing needs will need to be addressed, and Caregiver’s needs will need to be addressed as well.
https://www.helpforalzheimersfamilies.com/community-voices/your-questions-answered/why-mother-constantly-packs/
Dementia can cause seniors to rummage through belongings: Your older adult may repeatedly dig through drawers and cabinets or search rooms over and over again. They might take items from one place, hide them all over the house, and then get upset when they can't find those things.
Repetitive behaviors in general go hand & hand with dementia and especially Alzheimers. When the brain is broken, it goes back to basic instincts, I think, that make it feel 'at home' or comfortable. Lots of elders like to fold towels or washcloths over and over and over again. Which is really no different than 'packing' the same suitcase over and again. If this repetitive motion gives your mom comfort, or seems to, then I'd leave her alone. Although the discussion link I gave you has a few good ideas about things to do/say to try to get to the root of the 'why' she's doing it.
I find with my mother, there's no use asking 'why'. I just go along with whatever idea she's obsessing about at the moment. Right now it's her 'list'. She 'desperately needs so so so many things' from the store but she refuses to tell me what. Says she has a list but doesn't 'know where the hell it is.' So I told her to call me back (earlier tonight) when she found it, and I'd go get her the things tomorrow.
She never called back. So my DH called her and know what she said? She didn't need ANYTHING....because I had 'made her so so so nervous' by asking her for a list that she decided she needs nothing.
This has been going on for a month or more, now.
In reality, if she really 'needs' something badly enough, she'll tell me what it is she needs so badly. If not, she'll live without it. (She lives in a Memory Care ALF)
You can't reason with dementia, is my point by way of this example. If your mother wants to pack, let her pack. At least she's not accusing YOU of doing something to make her so nervous that she HAS to pack. Right? :)
Wishing you the best of luck dealing with THE most frustrating condition on earth.